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December 26, 2017 – 12:52 pm | No Comment

This Week 7’s (12.14 – 12.31) Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for mindfulness each day.
Date – 12.26.17
B-Book 44: Do the Work by Steven Pressfield
The key message in this book: Often we stop dead in our tracks …

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Home » just Writing

1-2018: My Daily Log

Submitted by on May 21, 2018 – 9:56 am No Comment

[DO NOT PUBLISH]

Day 513 – 6/17 (424)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: This begins another week.  Great start with Cheyenne learning the Calculus.  It is such  a treat wot work with her.  I need to call mama. Today I start my Daily Stoic Reading.  I am doing well with my meditations.  Yesterday I sent in my first review of the app to Sam Harris.  Finished my workout early.  Gonna do my meditations, then my readings and then start up plans.  I have done any concrete planning in recent weeks.  That is ok tho.  I am totally ok with that.  It is providing me time with my body, slowing me down and giving me time to strategize long term-wise.
  • Blink Listen:  Multipliers By Liz Wiseman – How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter; Meetings Suck By Cameron Herold – Turning One of The Most Loathed Elements of Business into One of the Most Valuable
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 10
    • Daily Stoic Reading?:  X – x
This Week 29‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Body Awareness each day.

Day 513 – 6/17 (424)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: No weird morning today.  Great dream last night about mama – Aunt Emma.  Having a great father’s day so far.  As i write it is 1834.  I am finished with my workout, I cleaned the pool and waiting for it to become brilliant.  I am gonna have some pizza now and I am supposed to go to the movies this evening to see the Incredibles.
  • Blink Listen: The Global Code By Clotaire Rapaille – How a New Culture of Universal Values Is Reshaping Business and Marketing; The Most Important Thing By Howard Marks – Uncommon Sense for the Thoughtful Investor
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 10
This Week 29‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Body Awareness each day.

Day 512 – 6/16 (423)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Started off this morning kinda weird.  Freaking chlorine leaked out in the back of the van – Grid is gonna be very upset with that.  I should have taken it out when we got home.  I didn’t and she is all sorts of right if she becomes upset over it.
  • Blink Listen:  Leisure By Josef Pieper – The Basis of Culture;The Distraction Addiction By Alex Soojung-Kim Pang – Getting the Information You Need and the Communication You Want, Without Enraging Your Family, Annoying Your Colleagues and…
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 9
This Week 29‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Compassion each day.

Day 511 – 6/15 (422)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Will try to get somethings done.  The rest of this is written post report period.  Was supposed to take Chey out to breakfast but she did not listen to me when I told her that she need to get her hair hooked up by her mom  because the slap dash she did was not gonna cut it with her mother.  She did not listened so she got left home.  We ended up going to Golden Coral.  Had a bunch of chicken. I passed on the mashed potatoes for the first time.  I still can’t believe that I did that.  Anyway, we finished up there and then went down by the Fort Caroline Preserve.  I got bit by the biggest mosquito I had ever seen.  Even as i write this it  is bothering me.  Came home, bought some chlorine for the pool.  Worked out, watch some world cup soccer, had a couple of drinks and wen to bed.
  • Blink Listen:  
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 8
This Week 29‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Compassion each day.

Day 510 – 6/14 (421)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Early start to the day.  Will try to get some additional rest in on the day.  Working with Chey is awesome; for some reason, I am having a harder time hitting a stride.  I can’t seem to get a smooth flow.  Today was a bit ok all around, but I will need to pick up my game.  Not getting enough sleep at night will be in bed no later than midnight.  All around today was pretty quiet.  Just stayed in and chill.  Lots of rain over the last couple of days and that is so good for the grass.  We are getting lots of lightening as well, so it is wreaking havoc on the electrical grid.
  • Blink Listen:  How to Think More About Sex By Alain de Botton  – Sage sex advice from a philosophical polymath; Russian Roulette By Michael Isikoff and David Corn  – The Inside Story of Putin’s War on America and the Election of Donald Trump; My Morning Routine By Benjamin Spall and Michael Xander – How Successful People Start Every Day Inspired
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 7
This Week 29‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Compassion each day.

Day 509 – 6/13 (420)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Need to show compassion.  Got a bit terse with Chey this morning and not feeling too good about it right now.  I have to find a medium to push her and at the same time remain within myself not to stress her too much.  She is an all around great kid and she is doing well by all/most measures.  Just got some pics of my son coming back from Newport for the summer.  He sounds pretty excited. I know he is becoming more steeped in the way – proudest dad.  Wayne called me this morning flipping out about Doreen not wanting to write a letter for him.  Spoke to Doreen, she will get it done on her timeline (tomorrow – Thursday).  Spoke to him again and had to calm him down. Left the conversation in a calm demeanor; we will see tomorrow.
  • Blink Listen: Nothing to Envy By Barbara Demick – Real Lives in North Korea; The Soul of America By Jon Meacham – The Battle for Our Better Angels; Second Chance By Robert T. Kiyosaki – For Your Money, Your Life and Our World; The Influential Mind By Tali Sharot – What the Brain Reveals About Our Power To Change Others
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 6
This Week 29‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Compassion each day.

Day 508 – 6/12 (419)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Up and ready to go today.  Got to give mama a call and check in with her.  Hope all is going well.  I hope she is feeling good.  I hope she is getting better.  I hope I can take her on trips to show her more of this world.  I hope my hopes are not in vain.
  • Blink Listen: The Dao of Capital By Mark Spitznagel – Austrian Investing in a Distorted World; How to Raise a Wild Child By Scott D. Sampson – The Art and Science of Falling in Love With Nature
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 5
This Week 29‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Compassion each day.

Day 507 – 6/11 (418)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: It is now 1604 and I am so behind already.  No worries, I am spending good times with my daughter but I need to get a better way and I also need to get my motivation level up.  I need to do some lesson plans as well. I sort of got taken up today with getting Chey started off.  I am still struggling to stay abreast.  Went to bed late last night have to turn in earlier so that I can get a better night sleep and prep better for Chey so we can have productive days.  Will also need to reach out to the Mayport lady to see if I can get private lessons.
  • Blink Listen: Outsmarting the Crowd By Bogumil K. Baranowski – A Value Investor’s Guide to Starting, Building, and Keeping a Family Fortune; The Selfish Gene By Richard Dawkins – A landmark work in the field of biology and evolution
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 4
This Week 29‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Compassion each day.

Day 506 – 6/10 (417)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: It is now after 1600 and I am having a hard time getting up and going.  Started off with getting the pool together but I am now behind on all metrics.  I am gonna get into the groove here.  Knock out the second part of AoP and bust through the things I need to catchup with.  Spoke to Comis today, I think she is still trying to feel me out.  I told her we need to talk tomorrow.  She is very big/good at obfuscating, but I need to get to a honest place with her.  It is now 2035 and all is done for the day.  I got a response from Carol, she is fine.  Kinda of a phew moment.  She didn’t sound as if something weird is to be reported so that was a relief.
  • Blink Listen: The Age of Cryptocurrency By Paul Vigna and Michael J. Casey – How Bitcoin and Digital Money Are Challenging the Global Economic Order
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 3
This Week 29‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Compassion each day.

Day 505 – 6/9 (416)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: We are leaving Maxwell today.  Lots to catch up on from yesterday.  Also need to update all the books I have blinked in the last few days.  Oh boy…long drive just got in.  Lots to still talk about.  Tired. Going out to get some Chinese since I am having a craving.  It is getting read to rain and so I will have to finish this up.  Oh by the way, I need to do my meditation and finish up my mileage as well.
  • Blink Listen: The Barefoot Investor By Scott Pape – The Only Money Guide You’ll Ever Need; The Future of Humanity By Michio Kaku – Terraforming Mars, Interstellar Travel, Immortality, and Our Destiny Beyond Earth
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 2
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Patience each day.

Day 504 – 6/8 (415)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Got in pretty late to Maxwell AFB in Montgomery last night.  Check in our room and could not find any place to eat.  We went downtown and it was desolate.  Came back – I had a piece of bullah and cheese and washed it down with some water and went straight to bed.  Sent a text to Comis – have not heard back.  What’s App mama a few times.  She is not doing too back post infusion.  Just hope that all will workout for her.  Tried to put her anxiety at rest to some degree yesterday, hopefully I had some effect. Finished my workout, just need to get in some cardio.  Heading over to the fitness center to check it out. Went to the fitness center – it really wasn’t up to AF standard tho.  Got in my mileage/steps/cardio.  It is hot as heck outside tho.  And it does feel a bit humid as well.
  • Blink Listen: This Is Where You Belong By Melody Warnick – The Art and Science of Loving the Place You Live; How Should We Live? By Roman Krznaric – Great Ideas from the Past for Everyday Life
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? YES – 1
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Patience each day.

Day 503 – 6/7 (414)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: We are about 45mins out of Benton on the road to Montgomery.  I vented a couple of times today with Ingrid and finally with mama.  I am so disappointed with not seeing my little sister.  She seemed so far away.  She seems to be taken up with deep things of the mind. Today so far was a mindcoaster.  It isa always a mindcoaster when dealing with my mom.  I suppose it is a mindcoaster for anyone dealing with their parents.  Well, we will be visiting the Lynching Museum and Memorial tomorrow, as well as the Civil Rights museum while in Montgomery.
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20/7)? NOPE
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Patience each day.

Day 502 – 6/6 (413)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Well it is the 6th, I am here and I will be taking mama in to the hospital for treatment  later today.  I am so happy that I am here and can do this.  I now want her to come to me more than ever.  I know Comis loves her and wants to be around and or have her, but I don’t think that is playing out quite well right now with her dude.  I am convinced now more than ever that he has real issues with mama being there.  It is very clear to me. So today went by – Comis dropped off mama at the base. We took her in and go through her process without issue.  I was able to meet her team.  I like them all.  Did not go by Comis – the dynamic in her house is off, can’t do that.  I am more resolved now to work on getting mama to come to me.
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20)? YES – 7
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Patience each day.

Day 501 – 6/5 (412)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: First day on base.  It is raining and I am getting ready to go on my workout.  Just got back, got a shower, ate my icecream.  Now I am warming up my potpie.  We are gonna head off to see mama her in a bit and try to get her out for a ride.
  • Blink Listen:  Zillow Talk By Spencer Rascoff and Stan Humphries – The New Rules of Real Estate; The Culture Code By Daniel Coyle – The Secrets of Highly Successful Groups
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20)? YES – 6
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Patience each day.

Day 500 – 6/4 (411)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I could not help but making this a late log entry.  I had lots to do today so I did not get to sit down and write a piece.  Checked in on Barksdale Inn, went to the gym, a pretty good walk from the Inn, came back, went to see Comis, watch “The Count of Monte Cristo, came back, ate some bun, chatted with Grid for a bit and then I am heading off to bed.
  • Blink Listen:  The New Trading for a Living By Dr. Alexander Elder – Psychology, Discipline, Trading Tools and Systems, Risk Control, Trade Management; The Ascent of Money By Niall Ferguson – A Financial History of the World
  • Day Narrative
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20)? YES – 5
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Patience each day.

Day 499 – 6/3 (410)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Man o Man this is a hot day and my workout has left me feeling pretty tired and week.  I am getting in my workouts tho and that is a pretty important deal.  I walked around Comis’ community twice today and did it once yesterday.  It is hot as heck man and it has sapped me totally.
  • Blink Listen: Feral By George Monbiot – Rewilding the Land, Sea and Human Life; The Richest Man in Babylon By George S. Clason – Secrets of personal wealth straight from the Ancients
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20)? YES – 4
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Patience each day.

Day 498 – 6/2 (409)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Day number 2 trying to workout here in Louzianne.  Playing in the 90s is no freaking joke at all.  Got up and went to war late morning.  Finished working out around 1300 and slightly thereafter.  Comis is having a good time in Maryland/DC with Austin and his mom at Austin’s graduation.  They should be back on Monday around 9am-ish.
  • Blink Listen: Small is Beautiful By E. F. Schumacher – A Study of Economics as if People Mattered; Educated By Tara Westover – A Memoir
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20)? YES – 3
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Deep Love each day.

Day 497 – 6/1 (408)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: WOW  Dude! it is hot as hell here in Lousianni.   Really glad to be here.  My mother looks good.  I am so glad to see her and she looks happy and well taken care off.  I am so happy with what Comis is doing and I will tell her that.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: 
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20)? YES – 2
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Deep Love each day.

Day 496 – 5/31 (407)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Yup did not complete my meditation yesterday so I started back over from 0.  No worries I will start tracking my overall as well.  So dropped off Chey this morning and headed over to Roses but realized that I did not have my wallet.  On way back saw an accident.  Back of a little car was crunched in.  I don’t think it was that serious.  Came home and knocked out today’s and tomorrow’s workout.  Just have to do baseline tomorrow and complete my mileage.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  The Power of the Other By Dr. Henry Cloud – The Startling Effects Other People Have on You, from the Boardroom to the Bedroom and Beyond – and What to Do About It; Choose Yourself By James Altucher – Be Happy, Make Millions, Live the Dream
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today (20)? YES – 1
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Deep Love each day.

Day 495 – 5/30 (406)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Not a bad day today, besides the fact that my body just feels out of sorts.  My sleep cycle is off and that is really affecting my days.  I get really tired around 6pm and I have started dozing off until midnight or just after midnight.  I am then up until 5-6am, I then go in and get another hour or so.  I come back home and then repeat again.  I think I will just hold up today and try to get back on schedule.  I completed part 1 of Age of Pandora, now it is time to move on to 2.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Rule #1 By Phil Town – The Simple Strategy For Successful Investing In Only 15 Minutes Every Week; Why is Sex Fun? By Jared Diamond – The Evolution of Human Sexuality
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? NOPE
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Deep Love each day.

Day 494 – 5/29 (405)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I am taking my time to assess the use of my time.  I am going through a reformation period.  Taking my time and being in the moment.  Not feeling that I have to get up and do anything.  Just lay in the moment.  And each day meditate.  Talk with Comis and Horace today.  Let Wayne know that I am gonna be up to see mama.  Need to get with Comis so she knows my plan.  Will need to talk to her today.  I also need to find out from Mama what she wants.  I need to come up with a plan for fixing the back and doing the tree in Ocala.  We need to follow up with Courtney.  I believe our lease says 60 days.  Besides, if there is an issue with the management arrangement then we need get that done upfront.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Power of Broke By Daymond John with Daniel Paisner – How Empty Pockets, a Tight Budget, and a Hunger for Success Can Become Your Greatest Competitive Advantage; Economics: The User’s Guide By Ha-Joon Chang – Everything you need to know about economics.
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 20
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Deep Love each day.

Day 493 – 5/28 (404)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Not much to discuss today.  We had some pretty hard downpours from Alberto.  I workout, tried to call Comis and slept.  Preparing for the end of school with Cheyenne and to start the trip out to LA and Montgomery.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  The Power of Moments By Chip Heath and Dan Heath – Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact; The Intelligent Investor By Benjamin Graham and comments by Jason Zweig – The Definitive Book on Value Investing; Fascism By Madeleine Albright – A Warning
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 19
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Deep Love each day.

Day 492 – 5/27 (403)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I believe it is Hurricane Alberto that is on his way up this side.  It should be raining pretty much all day today.  I would like to go check the Jazz Fest out but I don’t think I can stomach the wetness.  It appears that today is not gonna be a good day for that.  My focus is to workout today and do some massive planning.  Plan the trip to LA – need to talk to Comis about accommodations.  We might just end up staying there since Lahdana is out of school so their schedule wouldn’t be push off too much.  I then have to plan for staying in Millington, TN for a day to visit the Memorial and then Cheyenne Summer and any other doings. Alberto dropped quite a bit today.  We should still be getting quite a bit of rain over the coming days tho.  Hurricane season doesn’t start until next week.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 18
This Week 28‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Deep Love each day.

Day 491 – 5/26 (402)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Last night ended badly.  We went to the movies; all was fine until the end.  I reached over and started messing with Cheyenne, who was in one of her mood funk, but after a while she started acting disrespectful so I pulled her out of the theater and took her to the car.  When Ingrid came out, she became upset with me because I would not drive over to pick her up.  I told her that she could use the exercise (probably not the best thing to say) and that was it for the night.  We all came home, I sent Cheyenne to bed, Ingrid went to bed and I followed shortly thereafter.  We were supposed to take Cheyenne to breakfast this morning but I don’t feel like it so I probably won’t go.  I feel a bit of zen telling me to do otherwise, but something is fighting it.  I will see.  I won’t or don’t hold on these feelings too long anyway.  Had a long talk with Cheyenne and afterwards Ingrid.  We simply put things on the table and talk through it.  We then went into a long discussion about Rachel Dolezal.  I won’t rehash this here, but let’s say it was pretty useful for me.  Went out to Red Lobster for Chey’s birthday.  Awesome experience all around.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 17
    •  Need to be/remain mindful of my power to influence the life of my kid and be responsible.  I want them to be secure in there person and not feel encumbered in anyway.
This Week 27‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Focus Meditation each day.

Day 490 – 5/25 (401)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Really good day.  Finished up around 1158 just over an hour or so.  Dropped off Chey (she was in a pretty good mood).  Did not reach out to the boys yesterday.  I felt a bit of an imposition each year that I do – they never respond.  I still do miss her a great deal. Time has not dulled my emotions about my big sister.  I still wonder what it would be like if she was here.  At any rate, my foray into buddhism and meditation has helped me not to obsess over it.  Understand that missing is totally understandable but healthy attachment is what this should be all about.  Keep it in perspective.  One day I will be walking that path too.  Use death to deepen my connection to others and reach for a more fuller and meaningful life.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: When Genius Failed By Roger Lowenstein – The Rise and Fall of Long-Term Capital Management; The Richest Man in Babylon By George S. Clason – Secrets of personal wealth straight from the Ancients
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 16
This Week 27‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Focus Meditation each day.

Day 489 – 5/24 (400)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Excellent start to the morning.  At 0645, I just needed to finish up my cardio/steps for the day.  I am not get 6.5 consecutive hours of sleep.  I go in early but for some reason I am getting up around 3-4am.  I have been through this before.  It maybe because I am resting during the day.  I will have to keep an eye on this.  Just keeping it real: I posted this a bit late even though it was on my mind all day.  Happy Birthday to Jaqs and Chey.  This has been a weird year.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  The Economist: Numbers Guide By Richard Stutely, The Economist – The Essentials of Business Numeracy; 23 Things They Don’t Tell You About Capitalism By Ha-Joon Chang  – Why capitalism is not what you think it is.
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 15
This Week 27‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Focus Meditation each day.

Day 488 – 5/23 (399)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: WoW…pretty interesting day.  Dropped Chey off and went directly to the NEX.  Picked up some new New Balance running shoes.  They felt good, I just need to make sure they are the real stability deal.  I also tried on the latest Asics and the NB felt really similar for $25 less.  Went to NSM – spoke with lady in charge of the pool.  Got Chey set up for swim lesson (2 weeks to start) and then I got my workout in.  That gym is awesome.  I just did my regular stuff nothing fancy.  I think I will use Mayport as my get-a-way spot, it has everything I need.  I came home and just got back in from meeting with Howard, Ms Alfredia’s electrician.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Weapons of Math Destruction By Cathy O’Neil – How Big Data Increases Inequality and Threatens Democracy; The First 20 Hours By Josh Kaufman – How to Learn Anything… Fast
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 14
This Week 27‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Focus Meditation each day.

Day 487 – 5/22 (398)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Got off to a really great start this morning.  Today is a wonderful and will continue to be a wonderful day.  I will accomplish lots.  Yesterday I finished one of my Coursera course and now I am on to another.  I will readdress ProX as well and build our schedule through the Fall. Done with my workout by 0840 today.  I am feeling like a king.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Young Money By Kevin Roose – Inside the Hidden World of Wall Street’s Post-Crash Recruits; Secrets of the Millionaire Mind By T. Harv Eker – Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 13
This Week 27‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Focus Meditation each day.

Day 486 – 5/21 (397)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Spoke to mama and Horace this morning coming back from dropping Chey off.  Pretty much knocked out my workout before leaving to drop Chey off.  The clock just struck 1300 and I have been finished with my workout over an hour ago.  Trying to get the female to go get some Indian food, but it appears she is not interested – which is kinda weird because she does love to eat.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Conservative Mind By Russell Kirk – From Burke to Eliot; The Distracted Mind By Adam Gazzaley and Larry D. Rosen – Ancient Brains in a High-Tech World
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 12
    • To this day poor whites are the most intransigent racists — left by an exploitative and violent system without education, access to food and medical care, or even the basic necessities of life in the developed world. In this state their only precious possession is the idea of whiteness Virginian aristocracy blessed them with hundreds of years ago.
    • Generally speaking, financial security is peace of mind that comes from having confidence you can attain all of your financial goals both now and in the future. To me, it means being able to educate my kids, travel abroad, own my 3 pieces of property, and leave a modest legacy.
This Week 27‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Focus Meditation each day.

Day 485 – 5/20 (396)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I am getting in my workout and ending pretty early but I am not accomplishing much beyond that.  I need to recommit and refocus.  This coming week, I want to finish up the courses that I am taking.  I want to at least finish one and possibly 2.  I am not going to go through all the exercises with Complex Analysis because no one is checking them.   Feel relative good today.  Not much doing.  Completed my blinking today tho.  I want to finish up a course or 2 today.  I need to also get Cheyenne involved in – Soccer, Swimming and Computing.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  All the Truth Is Out By Matt Bai –  The Week Politics Went Tabloid; This Changes Everything By Naomi Klein – Capitalism vs. the Climate
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 11
This Week 27‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Focus Meditation each day.

Day 484 – 5/19 (395)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Yup today I dragged a bit.  It is funny, I am listening to a blink and I mistakenly wrote Yap at the beginning of this  piece.  They are people called Yapese.  At any rate.  I finished working out relatively late today, although it was well earlier than I used to.  About my dream last night.  I dream Carl came to visit with me and when I ask him how Tamia was, he kinda smirked.  I just feel really uncomfortable right now wit the way things are.  I reached out to Carol this morning in a message.  If I don’t hear from here in a day or so I will reach out to Carl again.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Nope!
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 10
This Week 26‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3 – ProX, Course 2) each day.

Day 483 – 5/18 (394)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Wow.  Today will be a good day.  Although I asked Ingrid to drop off Chey this morn, I ended up doing it myself – I just like to be up in the morning to start my day.  Anyway, had a pleasant drive in.  On my way back got some gas and started talking to mama.  I got a bit elevated because she said she was having some stomach ache this morning and it was nothing.  I told her to stop playing things down.  She is not a doctor and telling us that is nothing is not helpful.  It minimizes issues that otherwise might need to be looked into.  Her initial response when I asked her if she told Comis was that she did, but when pressed later she said she did.  I asked her – so why did you tell me no before, she then tells me that she did not remember.  I told her that – I don’t believe that to  be the case, she just got up not too long ago and no remembering was just her playing games.  I told her complete honesty is what is required on this journey.  This is stuff that will kill you. Trying to minimize things only leads to big headaches later on, so stop self diagnosing and censoring the information of things she is experiencing.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Neuro-linguistic Programming for Dummies By Romilla Ready, Kate Burton – A begineers guide to one of psychology’s hottest topics; Solve for Happy By Mo Gawdat – Engineer Your Path to Joy
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 9
This Week 25‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3 – ProX, Course 2) each day.

DDay 482 – 5/17 (393)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Wow.  So far the day has being relatively good.  Finished up my workout at 1058.  Not sure how I can limit my daily workout to 90mins.  I don’t  think so since I am trying to get in my steps and they do take time.  At any rate, I feel pretty good.   I was up at 3am this morning but I managed to fall back for about just under 2hrs.  I feel pretty rested, but I might be hitting the bottle a bit too much.  I think I may back off a bit.  I am doing fine – getting my meditations in, so I am stoked about that.  Ingrid should be on her way back from her mini-vakay.  I need to finish up my ProX outline today and start putting on the meat.  We also need to start planning our trip out to Benton and arranging getting the books for Cheyenne summer review.  Need to also touch base with Marcus.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: A Higher Loyalty By James Comey – Truth, Lies and Leadership; Mindful Work By David Gelles – How Meditation is Changing Business from the Inside Out
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 8
This Week 25‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3 – ProX, Course 2) each day.

Day 481 – 5/16 (392)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Working on another great day today.  Dropped off Cheyenne, went to get tire rotated, getting ready to speed through workout and then settle down to bust through ProX.  I think I will send some fund to my sister today and send of the after action report.  Bust through workout now I am going hold head down and push though needed document.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Botany of Desire By Michael Pollan – A Plant’s-Eye View of the World; How to Stop Worrying and Start Living By Dale Carnegie – The self-help classic that helps you stop worrying
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 7
This Week 25‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3 – ProX, Course 2) each day.

Day 480 – 5/15 (391)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Awesome and early start to the day.  I have completed a pretty good portion of my workout thus far and still going.  Should be linking up with mama here in a bit as she goes in for her 3rd infusion.  A bit of a drama today with getting mama to the doctors.  NO sweat tho.  It is now1307 and we are pretty much on track.  Let me recap some here:
    • With no word/text from Austin, I called him at 0819 – he said he had something to do with GPS going on and that he would call me back.  I called Allison at 0825, mama not there, she is scheduled to se Dr. C at 0845.  0838 mama calls and tells me that she is checked in.  I asked her if she had checked in with Lisa, she said no, I asked her what was the name of the person she checked in with, she said she did not know.  I told her to go back to the person and ask her what her name was and ensure she wrote it down.  She went back to the person, at which point I ask her to give the phone to the person, I explained who I am and why my mother was there.  She told me her name was Yolanda (working in the Main Admissions) and that she don’t believe mama needed to be there, she told me to hang on and then the phone went dead.  I called Allison immediately and told her what was going on.  Allison then said ok, I will call Yolanda.  A few minutes later,  mama calls and I spoke to Nikki who walked her over from main admission to the treatment center.  I then text Austin at around 0905 to close the loop.
    • 0935 spoke to Lisa briefly.  1035 Dr. C comes in.  She says all look good, her Creatinine was elevated, which could be possible side effects of the therapy.  She would like to do another blood panel on the May 23rd over at the Bossier location.  She is down for 0930, but she could go in at anytime.  This is not from the doctor but I came across this:  Large amounts of protein foods e.g. meat, fish, chicken, eggs, cheese, milk can spike her levels, especially if she eats them just before she goes in for blood work.  Dr. C. says she needs to stay hydrated – tell her to moderate her fluids, don’t go get water intoxication on us.  Finally, I asked about her weight.  She is doing well, her weigh is varying between 165 and 170.
    • 1033 she went back to see Cathy to start the infusion process.  I spoke to Cathy briefly.  At 1100, I called mama to find out if the process stated.  She told me it started at 1055.  I texted Austin to let him know.
    • Allison called me at 1134 to give me the next infusion appointment:  June 6th at 0830.  Dr. C will not be there but her PA Cheryl (sp?) will be there in her stead. BREAK!
    • Infusion ended about 1520-ish.  Coordinating to get her picked up was a friggin’ disaster – I got a thumbs up call from Austin around 1545 – saying he got her.  Nuff said.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Boost! By Michael Bar-Eli – How the Psychology of Sports Can Enhance your Performance in Management and Work; Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway By Susann Jeffers – Dynamic Techniques for Turning Fear, Indecision and Anger into Power, Action and Love
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 6
This Week 25‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3 – ProX, Course 2) each day.

Day 479 – 5/14 (390)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  I will have a wonderful week.  My wife just left to go on her mini vacation for 3 nights.  I intend to get lots done.  Get my workout, the garage, Project X – our life plan, and bust through these courses that I am taking, including Iyanla.  Mama went to get her blood drawn in preparation for infusion tomorrow.  Grid called with TPMS issues.  She stopped to get some air in the tire and then got back on the road.  Raining cat and dogs right now – need to go get Chey. Female unit made it to her destination and is chilling.  Picked up Chey, finished up my workout, completed genetic privacy and Chinese course in Coursera.  Now I a gonna take a fresh and maybe a minute then complete my ProX assignment.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  Cannibalism By Bill Schutt – A Perfectly Natural History; Who Can You Trust? By Rachel Botsman – How Technology Brought Us Together – and Why It Could Drive Us Apart
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 5
This Week 25‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3 – ProX, Course 2) each day.

Day 478 – 5/13 (389)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Awesome morning.  Got up got my wife breakfast for Mother’s Day, called my mom to wish her Happy Mother’s and spoke to her a bit.  Worked out and watched the Windrush Generation Program Part 1 of 4.  This particular program is pretty important to me, given that Jamaican and personal family member were involved. Took the female unit out for Mother’s Day dinner.  I think she had a good time.  She will be going away tomorrow for a few say to have here down time.  I love sending her off like this.  I feel good that I can send my wife off without much concerns.  Good stuff.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Total Money Makeover By Dave Ramsey – A Proven Plan for Finance Fitness; Be More Pirate By Sam Conniff Allende – Or How to Take On The World and Win
  • Day Narrative:
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 4
This Week 25‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3 – ProX, Course 2) each day.

Day 477 – 5/12 (388)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Took a bath in a bucket last night; it felt awesome in a weird way.  Got up this morning and completed the main work out side.  I also had the JEA folks come out and raise the meter as well..  As I write this, it is just after midday and about 1 hours since I finished up the main job.  I will let it cure for another hour before turning on the water again.  Did not get much done beyond workout, blinking, fixing my pipe.  Will redo “Get’er Done” next week again.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Millennial Money By Patrick O’Shaughnessy – How Young Investors Can Build a Fortune; Rewire By Richard O’Connor – Change Your Brain to Break Bad Habits, Overcome Addictions, Conquer Self-Destructive; MONEY: Master the Game By Tony Robbins – 7 Simple Steps to Financial Freedom; Treasure Islands By Nicholas Shaxson – Tax Havens and the Men Who Stole the World
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – 3
This Week 24‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3) each day.

Day 476 – 5/11 (387)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Felt pretty bad after a hard workout day and went on to drinking.  Spent most of the day hydrating.  Did get my workout in but I really felt crappy most of the day.  This will not be a 5 min flow.  Went to turn off main to fix bathroom pipe and it friggin’ broke clean off.  Had to call JEA for help.  I was able to finish the bathroom but it was too dark to finish up the main break.   I did not complete any Blink – will have to double up tomorrow.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Nope!
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  YES (2)
This Week 24‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3) each day.

Day 475 – 5/10 (386)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Oh yeah off to an excellent start today.  Got going at about 0540 this morning with my workout.  It is now 0820 and I only have to finish up my distance/steps.  I even got a nice 30 min run in as well.  I feel relatively good and hope to accomplish quite a bit today.  Around 1700 I hit a wall.  I feel pretty tired but I did get a lot done.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics By Dan Harris, Jeff Warren and Carlye Adler – A 10% Happier How-To-Book; Common Stocks and Uncommon Profits and Other Writings By Philip A. Fischer – Improve your investment strategy
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES (1)
This Week 24‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3) each day.

Day 474 – 5/9 (385)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Oh boy today has been a weird feeling day.  Got up, dropped Cheyenne off at school, came back home, worked with Ms Alfredia on getting her well pump fixed.  I think being surprised by the not being aware, my interaction with Mr. Pierce and subsequent with Howard Young may have left a bad taste in my mouth.  But you know what – be aware of your freaking ego.  Get over it and move the hell on already.  It is not alway may-day up in this mug dude.  Spoke to Comis for awhile – good conversation.  Told her that Cheyenne would be taking Calculus – feels a bit weird that I brought that up.  I try not to be so self conscious about stuff like that because I know people like to compare, but I wanted her to know that I was heading back early for a reason.  Anyway, I need to get a few things done today to stay on task, so I am gonna end here for now.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Future Is History By Masha Gessen – How Totalitarianism Reclaimed Russia; The Man Without A Face By Masha Gessen – The Unlikely Rise of Vladimir Putin
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  NOPE!
This Week 24‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3) each day.

Day 473 – 5/8 (384)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: The time now is 1343.  I have worked out eaten and getting ready to take my shower.  I should be back here at 1400.  I will start with math, privacy, chinese and  then Project X.  Just got a call from the female unit, she is heading home – guess Will and Dee got home.  Just had to clean the pool filter due to high pressure.  I will watch this stuff that I am putting in there, it seems that is clogging up the filter as some of the waning said.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Ali By Jonathan Eig – A Life; The Education of a Value Investor By Guy Spier – My Transformative Quest for Wealth, Wisdom and Enlightenment
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES
This Week 24‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3) each day.

Day 472 – 5/7 (383)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: This week I want to focus on the present and getting my tasks done.  Each day I want to complete the same 3 things – workout (including meditation), Coursera (30/30 – math/privacy) and Project X (60min).  I feel good today.  Today is the 4th anniversary of the Aunt Cissy’s passing.  A great deal has happened since then and with no judgement, I am just happy to be here. Miss you so much Aunt Cissy…miss you so much.  Just spoke with Ingrid – she vented on having a hard time with the kids this morning.  She is such an awesome person.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Time Paradox By Philip Zimbardo & John Boyd – The New Psychology of Time that will Change Your Life; The Little Book That Still Beats the Market By Joel Greenblatt – How to Invest Smartly without a Broker; When They Call You a Terrorist By Patrisse Khan-Cullors & Asha Bandele – A Black Lives Matter Memoir
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES
This Week 24‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3) each day.

Day 471 – 5/6 (382)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Not a bad start to the day.  I am trying a new approach this week.  Get most to the serious/focused workout done with HIITs up front. Set a certain amount of accomplishments to be done each day and then finish up steps throughout the day.  This way I can get some serious work done.  Right now it is 1312 and I am 7700 steps in.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES
This Week 24‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice GET’ER DONE (3) each day.

Day 470 – 5/5 (381)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Wow! weird weird weird.  Gots to say it  like Will and Dee’s kids are here and damn if they speak.  It is like pushing a noodle uphill.  They grunt and smirk – it is almost like they have no idea how to communicate.  They know us but it like we are strangers.  In fact, they appear to be strangers between each other.  They are overly attached to their devices and while I don’t want to psycho analyze them – Omari seems aloof and off into the clouds, Dean is almost cold and emotionless and Sophie, the warmest of them seems to be regressing into a place out of sheer non-stimulation.  Non of her brothers communicate – it is as tho everyone is on an island by themself.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  YES
This Week 23‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice KIND WORD each day.

Day 469 – 5/4 (380)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Started off a bit late today but got up and started the work of helping Ms Alfredia get her pump situation squared away.  Spoke to Mr. Pierce and workout gett the pump fixed and hopefully move on.  Will and Dee going off to do the cruise thing.  We have the kids for the weekend.  Grid going down to pick them up and bring them back.  We will have to figure out somethings to do with them.  Got  lawson
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  •  Blink Listen:  Make your Bed By William H. McRaven – Little Things That Can Change Your Life… And Maybe The World; Women and Power By Mary Beard – A Manifesto; War! What Is It Good For? By Ian Morris – Conflict and the Progress of Civilization from Primates to Robots
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  NOPE!
This Week 23‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice KIND WORD each day.

Day 468 – 5/3 (379)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Finished my workout, I am only going for 10k step in my earlies, by 1000hrs.  I am not waiting for the female unit to be finished and then we will go to lunch.  I really want to pull back just a little so that I can get more things done throughout the day.  I am feel a bit hungry but ready for the day right now.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  •  Blink Listen:  More Money Than God By Sebastian Mallaby – Hedge Funds and the Making of a New Elite; Finding My Virginity By Richard Branson – The New Autobiography; The 4-Hour Body By Timothy Ferriss – An uncommon guide to rapid fat-loss, incredible sex and becoming superhuman
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  YES
This Week 23‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice KIND WORD each day.

Day 467 – 5/2 (378)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Trying something different today.  I got up and went straight into working out.  I did finished up my Pandora and baseline, then went to the treadmill.  Between the exercises and about 40 mins on the treadmill at (5-7), I am getting in about 10k steps; that is about 5 miles.  I am pulling back to 12k per day because I am not getting much done.  I will push to keep my workout down to around 90-mins. I will definitely need to get some intense cardio in – at lease a few times per week.  I have to start watching for body breakdown.  I also need to start  watching the food front as well.  I feel fit, but the tire won’t leave for whatever reason.  Yeah – got news from Trevor that Anthony made Capt.  That is most exciting.  He is a very lucky and hardworking guy who deserve it.  Congrats bro!
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  •  Blink Listen:  Happiness By Design By Paul Dolan – Change What You Do, Not How You Think / Finding Pleasure And Purpose In Everyday Life; Communicate to Influence By Ben Decker & Kelly Decker – How to Inspire Your Audience to Action
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  YES
This Week 23‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice KIND WORD each day.

Day 466 – 5/1 (377)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: So today is the first day of May and it is a beautiful day.  I feel a bit sapped to honest.  Trying to help Ms Alfredia with her lawn/pump situation and it is taking a bit of a toll.  No issues tho.  I will keep helping her.  Hopefully we can get to a point where we can get it fixed.  I promised to provide her some water until such time, so I will hook her up this evening.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  •  Blink Listen:  None
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  YES
This Week 23‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice KIND WORD each day.

Day 465 – 4/30 (376)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Wow!  Had the weirdest dreams last night.  One that stood out much is about termites in the whatnot.  This female – not sure who it was, but I seemed to know who it is. Came up and told me to pull out the draws and sure enough I saw active signs of wood eating termites.  I then pulled out the other drawers and saw termites, but like a bunch of large spiders.  Not I closed it back and went to look for Grid to tell her that I have to destroy the whole thing.  I found termites and they might be all over the house.  Completed Carbon and Dust (DareBee) today.  I feel so good about that.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  •  Blink Listen: Be Obsessed or Be Average By Grant Cardone  – A bold and contrarian wake-up call for anyone truly ready for success; The 12 Week Year By Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington – Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 months
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  NOPE!
This Week 23‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice KIND WORD each day.

Day 464 – 4/29 (375)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Not a bad day so far.  Should have gotten up to go to breakfast but made a mess of that.  It is now 1211 and I have only made a scratch into today’s workout.  WIll go right into right now with full force.  Went out with Chey.  Got some Cover-Free to tryout on the pool.  It is starting to feel warm-ish.  Got some Tapatito sauce for the mause.  I love that stuff.  Got Chey some cupcakes for her class.  Came back home, did some pool cleaning.  Noticed the guy next door had a branch fall.  I will give it the rest of today and then go ask him if he needs some help to get it out to the curb.  I might be able to help some.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  •  Blink Listen:  Barbarians at the Gate By Bryan Burrough, John Helyar – The Fall of RJR Nabisco; The 12 Week Year By Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington – Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 months
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  YES
This Week 23‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice KIND WORD each day.

Day 463 – 4/28 (374)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Got up and went right into getting my meditation done.  Now I am pushing into my workout.  It is a Saturday.  It is no w 1050.  I got up about 0939-ish.  Went to the butterfly festival, came home and just chilled.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  •  Blink Listen: The Four Tendencies By Gretchen Rubin – The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too); Who Moved My Cheese? By Dr. Spencer Johnson – An Amazing Way to Deal With Change in Your Work and in Your Life; Start By Jon Acuff – Punch Fear In the Face, Escape Average, Do Work That Matters; You Are a Badass at Making Money By Jen Sincero – Master the Mindset of Wealth
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  YES
This Week 22‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice RIGHT SPEECH each day.

Day 462 – 4/27 (373)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I am so glad that it is Friday.  Looking forward to a great day and awesome weekend.  Dropped of Chey, came back and worked out  until just after 1100.  We went to see Super Trooper 2.  It was really terrible beyond compare.  We will have to work Avenger in at some point.  I probably won’t push to go see it this weekend.  I will binge watch Westworld, do my Complex Variables and help Ms Alfredia.  What exactly does it mean to be a white person?  Who is a black person?
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  •  Blink Listen: Skin in the Game By Nassim Nicholas Taleb – Hidden Asymmetries in Daily Life
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  YES
This Week 22‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice RIGHT SPEECH each day.

Day 461 – 4/26 (372)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Really crap move today.  Ask Ingrid what she thinks about going back to work and when she asked me the same thing I snapped back – I have put over 24 years in; implying it was a cakewalk for her.  She certainly has put her time in along side me and that was rather mean.  I apologized but I will have to do more than that.  I feel really shitty about it because she is my best friend and I said that to her. My ego just got the better of me.  I have pledge to control it, but I have to accept that I fell short, apologize, look beyond it and pledge and follow through not to do it again.  I love this woman so much it tears me up to hurt her feelings.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  •  Blink Listen: The Plant Paradox By Steven R. Gundry –  The Hidden Dangers in “Healthy” Foods That Cause Disease and Weight Gain; Failed States By Noam Chomsky – The Abuse of Power and the Assault on Democracy
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  NOPE!
This Week 22‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice RIGHT SPEECH each day.

Day 460 – 4/25 (371)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Today has been a really busy day.  Started off a little shaky because I did not hear anything from Comis and then Mama went in to Dr. C. and did not call me as was the plan.  I am pretty convinced that she knowingly did that.  She is essentially deploying Comis’ tactics.  Anyway, she did not  start the process until almost midday.  I was able to speak with Cathy her nurse a few times and she was quite nice and helpful.  Her next appointment is gonna be three weeks from now – Tuesday May 15th.  She will go in on Monday, May 14th at the Bossier Office to get her labs done in prep for infusion the next day.  According to Comis, Austin will just take her in.  So the day in summary:
    – Reach out to Comis about 0808 – she said they come in a bit early to get the lab done and at that time it was completed and they were waiting to see Dr. C.  around 0820 I got a call from Comis who told me that the Lisa, Dr. C’s nurse had come to get mama to take her in to see Dr. C.  a few minutes later, while in the phone with Comis, mama called Comis, so she got off the phone with me, when Comis called me back, she told me mama had already gone in to see Dr. C and was on her way to the back to wait the results of the lab and start the infusion.
    – After hanging up with Comis I called mama and asked why didn’t she call as she knew she was supposed to, she said she didn’t know she was supposed to call. Comis told her, but I am sure she purposefully thwarted it.  Not sure why, but it was/is foolish to get egocentric about this, when it not like she is gaining any advantage by blocking me out.  Just frustratingly silly.  Spoke to Allison and got the next appointment from her (see above).  Later I spoke to Lisa from the Infusion team who got Cathy, the nurse charged with taking care of mama.  She was quite nice and answered all my questions.
    – A few things we could do better.  Probably it is best to pack a lunch along with her snacks; being long suffering Sephlyn, she ended up spending close to 8 hours there without a meaningful meal since breakfast.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Orientalism By Edward W. Said – Western Conceptions of the Orient; Beyond Culture By Edward Hall – A Journey of self-discovery; I’m Ok, You’re Ok By Thomas A. Harris – Discover your inner parent and your inner child;
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?  NO – I am really struggling with this.  I will have to add it back to my 30 day stretch.
This Week 22‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice RIGHT SPEECH each day.

 Day 459 – 4/24 (370)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I didn’t realize how much I wrote yesterday.  I spent a significant amount of time blinking and listening to a variety of items.  I just did not capture the day in thought.  That is totally fine tho.  I am not going to lock myself into a wrapper to produce a certain length.  I did write something though so that counts.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: What Happened By Hillary Clinton – Behind the scenes of one of the strangest elections in history.; How Children Succeed By Paul Tough – Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – one day at a time.
This Week 22‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice RIGHT SPEECH each day.

 Day 458 – 4/23 (369)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I will be working on RIGHT SPEECH this week and additionally work at having a great week.  I will also continue to suppressing the ego as this is what is getting into the way most of the time.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School By Mark H. McCormack  – Notes From a Street-Smart Executive; The Big Picture By Sean M. Carroll – On the Origins of Life, Meaning and the Universe Itself; Factfulness By Hans Rosling, Ola Rosling, Anna Rosling Rönnlund – Ten Reasons We’re Wrong About the World – and Why Things Are Better Than You Think
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? NO
This Week 22‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice RIGHT SPEECH each day.

Day 457 – 4/22 (368)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Last night I had a powerful dream about Tamia coming to me with her arms bloody with the baby.  She was crying.  I took the baby from her, but I did not examine it for life.  She showed me both hands with wounds.  I woke up immediately and text Carl (not sure what time it was – I will look) and ask him if Tamia was ok.  I am not a superstitious person, at least no as much as I was aa a child, but some is particularly weird about this.  It was such a really sensation – I could she anguish and pain in her eyes.  She was soul bawling. Carl say she was good – I know she isn’t.  I intend to put in a big push on Project X today.  It doesn’t appear that the Complex Variables session is being monitored that much.  I will just push through the lectures to get the gist and leave the esotericism of the assessments alone.  They are a bit time consuming and I don’t think I get much value in trying to make leaps beyond the instructions. Tried to talk to Wayne today about Akeim – he says he has it all figured out, but I know he does not.  He will try to wing it and then slink off back into himself.  Even in the same conversation he contradicted himself several times.  Between him and his wife – just hurting people.  Found out about the young man Avici who passed away on the 20th of this month (a couple days ago).  Death just does not seem so remote right now nor dare I say daunting.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: How To Make Your Money Last By Jane Bryant Quinn – The Indispensable Retirement Guide; Evicted By Matthew Desmond – Poverty and Profit in the American City; A Brief History of Time By Stephen Hawking – From the Big Bang to Black Holes; Lean In By Sheryl Sandberg – Women, Work, and the Will to Lead; Fantasyland By Kurt Andersen – How America Went Haywire
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YUP! – but I will have another session outside hopefully.
This Week 22‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice RIGHT SPEECH each day.

Day 456 – 4/21 (367)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Got up at 4am this morning after loafing through last evening.  Working out early seems to get me lazier and lazier.  That’s ok tho.  I am not gonna complain.  I just need to push the envelope a bit and get as much done as possible.  Today Chey has her recital so we will all go – I am looking forward to that. 1007 and I am finished with my workout for the day.  Hopefully I will be able to get lots today.  I Finished listening to the Youtube piece with Harris, Rogin and Narwaz, it was okay, but I wasn’t in agreement with all.  Listened to Mike’s piece on Cohen, I loved it and Listened to Sam’s piece on Reality, I enjoyed it, especially the Q&A.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Misbehavior of Markets By Benoit Mandelbrot and Richard L. Hudson – Fractal View of Risk, Ruin and Reward; Fooled by Randomness By Nassim Nicholas Taleb – The Hidden Role of Chance in Life and the Market; The Wealth of Nations By Adam Smith – The most influential economic book of all time
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?
This Week 21‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 455 – 4/20 (366)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Off to a pretty good start today.  Loving it.  Tried to go to the movies to see Trafik, but  the leftover sets were all down front so we decided on another movie. The movie started at 1140, I had my moviepass up and ready to go, but Grid could not get her’s ready.  We/I decided to pull the plug so right now I am home typing this.  Got a call from Comis.  She wanted to shift the time of the appointment from morning to afternoon because of another commitment for school.  I told her no – we have had this date for some time now and should have made other arrangements.  She will drop her off as usual and turn her over to me.  I will keep her company on whatsapp until she is completed.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth By Chris Hadfield  – What Going to Space Taught Me About Ingenuity, Determination, and Being Prepared for Anything; How Luck Happens By Janis Kaplan and Barnaby Marsh – Using the Science of Luck to Transform Work, Love and Life; 10% Happier By Dan Harris – How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress without Losing My Edge and Found Self-Help That Actually Works; Business Adventures By John Brooks – Twelve Classic Tales from the World of Wall Street; Born For This By Chris Guillebeau – How to Find the Work You Were Meant to Do
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES – finally trying to get back on track.
This Week 21‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 454 – 4/19 (365)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Really sort of a crazy day.  Started with a frantic phone call from Comis and kinda was a weird day.  At any rate, I need o zenout a bit.  I have not meditated in days.  I had to spank Cheyenne today for lying and generally had to be a grouch to her for stuff that she is doing or not doing.  I ate a 1/2 of a watermellon and yeah – other than that I still have to listen to my blink for today.  DId a lot of listening tho.  but I have to get to my blink and meditation.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? NO
This Week 21‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 453 – 4/18 (364)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  I will make today a really great day.  So far so good.  Spent a lot of time this morning with Marco, getting the irrigation system on point.  Also started working through the issue with Ms Alfreida’s pump.  We are getting it rebuilt right now, hopefully have it back in a day or so.  Also spent a bit of time with Ms A, talking.  She is really good to talk to – just real easy like.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Read several Aeon pieces.
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? NO – got the seek time.  This is important.
This Week 21‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 452 – 4/17 (363)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Crazy-ish day.  Had to get my taxes done with Adam and started working out early but did not finish up before going.  Had a pretty good chat with mama as well. Came back and finished up workout.  Today Mrs Bush transitioned to the other side.  The only thing permanent is change.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Charge By Brendon Burchard – Activating the 10 Human Drives That Make You Feel Alive; Berkshire Beyond Buffett By Lawrence A. Cunningham – The Enduring Value of Values
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? YES
This Week 21‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 451 – 4/16 (362)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Today is kind of a slow day.  Took van in to get middle seat fixed.  I finished my workout early and as I sit here at 1638, I feel like taking a nap.  I will finish up my readings, do today’s lesson in Coursera, get a nap and then work on Project X.  Wow, got some serious amount of work done on Coursera – Complex Variables, Project X.  I got my workout in comfortably.  I sent off budget file I promised Marcus.  Listened to 5 Blinks in addition to a pretty long podcast from Simplify today on sex.  It was pretty engaging.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Wisdom of Crowds By James Surowiecki –  Why the Many Are Smarter Than the Few; You Are Not Your Brain By Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Rebecca Gladding – The Four-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking, and Taking Control of Your Life; Chasing Excellence By Ben Bergeron – A Story About Building the World’s Fittest Athletes; The Sixth Extinction By Elizabeth Kolbert – An Unnatural History; 12 Rules For Life By Jordan B. Peterson – An Antidote to Chaos
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today?
This Week 21‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 450 – 4/15 (361)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Things are sort of clicking right now.  Mama’s treatment regime is underway after a frantic start to the year.  My body and mind click is going ok.  I am doing my Coursera thingy and my everyday workout.  Dee and Will are fully onboard with this fitness push.  I will send them both a gift for their 5th win and then try to move it up a notch.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Finding Your Element By Ken Robinson – How to Discover Your Talents and Passions and Transform Your Life; The Gifts of Imperfection By Brené Brown – Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed To Be and Embrace Who You Are; Don’t Go Back to School By Kio Stark – A Handbook for Learning Anything; The Female Eunuch By Germaine Greer – The landmark book in the history of the womens rights movement; Dollars and Sex By Marina Adshade – How Economics Influences Sex and Love
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Listen more and keep SUPPRESSING THE EGO!
    • Did you meditate today? NO – fail; get it tomorrow!
This Week 21‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 449 – 4/14 (360)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Shame is a negative feeling. Shame is a deeply painful sensation that stems from the belief that we’re not good enough, and that this shortcoming will prevent us from being accepted by and belonging to a group.  Most often, shame occurs when people seek compassion, but experience rejection instead.  I have seen how people in my family have succumbed to the ugliness of shame and the dark negativity with which even folks in the family held them in this regard.  I think that as long as you build up your self reliance and respect, then it doesn’t really matter what anyone says about you.  As long as you don’t rely on another for your survival, then who cares what they say.  You have a brief time in the light, just give them the hand and keep it moving.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Will to Change By bell hooks – Men, Masculinity, and Love; I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) By Brené Brown – Making the Journey From “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”;  How Will You Measure Your Life? By Clayton M. Christensen, James Allworth and Karen Dillon – Finding Fulfillment Using Lessons From Some of the World’s Greatest Businesses; How We Learn By Benedict Carey – The Surprising Truth About When, Where and Why It Happens
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Squash the EGO and Reorient Negative Emotions.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 448 – 4/13 (359)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts:  Got to Boise!    Now it is time to replot!  Took a stab at Ms Alfrieda’s pump and was not able to get it to work.  Will keep plugging away tho.  Today was a sort of weird day.  Went to the movies with wifey.  Had a relatively ok time.  I just finished my workout – today was a late one.  Going to the movies and working on the pump pushed me back.  I have not meditated in 2 days or is it 1.  Anyway, Chey came in check her grade on her math test on pulled out an 84%.  I think she totally psyche herself out on her math test.  I am gonna back off totally.  I think when I study with her, although she does well, I think she gets overly confident and just eyeball the material.  She clearly did not do much reviewing the night before hence she made a bunch of small mistakes on her test.  At any rate, I know she is working hard at it and that is all I can ask of her.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  Cod By Mark Kurlansky – A Biography of the Fish That Changed the World; When Breath Becomes Air By Paul Kalanithi – Finding hope in the face of insurmountable odds;; The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari By Robin S. Sharma – A guide to using ancient practices to improve your quality of life and achieve your goals; The End of Poverty By Jeffrey Sachs – Economic Possibilities for Our Time
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Squash the EGO and Reorient Negative Emotions.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 447 – 4/12 (358)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Will attempt to fix Ms Alfredia pump today.  Her pumps is the same as mind and I fixed it once before.  I will try to do it again.  It appears water got into it and caused a burn out.  Order the part for her pump.  It will get here on Saturday.  I really need to work on both Project X and Coursera.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  Savor  By Thich Nhat Hanh and Dr. Lilian Cheung – Mindful Eating, Mindful Life; Buddha’s Brain By Rick Hanson – Happiness, Love and Wisdom
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Squash the EGO and Reorient Negative Emotions.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 446 – 4/11 (357)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Really good day so far.  Did my rehab appointment at Brooks – had a superfantastic time there.  Came home and knocked out my entire workout by 1200.  In fact I finished it up at 1159 and a few seconds, so I really did not want to hit the midday hour.  Listened to 6 Blinks between driving from dropping Chey off and working out.  Lots of good information.  Spent a tremendous amount of time on my Complex Analysis course.  I have to temper that a bit.  I need to complete the work for this week and move on to Project X.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Trying Not to Try By Edward Slingerland – Ancient China, Modern Science, and the Power of Spontaneity; Buddhism – Plain and Simple By Steve Hagen -The Practice of Being Aware, Right Now, Every Day; You Are Not Your Brain By Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Rebecca Gladding – The Four-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking, and Taking Control of Your Life; 10% Happier By Dan Harris – How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress without Losing My Edge and Found Self-Help That Actually Works; The Power of Your Subconscious Mind By Joseph Murphy (Ian McMahan revised)  – Unlock Your Master Key to Success; Savor By Thich Nhat Hanh and Dr. Lilian Cheung – Mindful Eating, Mindful Life;
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Squash the EGO and Reorient Negative Emotions.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 445 – 4/10 (356)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Today is clearly not a slow day.  Got through my workout  and listened to 3 blinks by 1100.  Now I will focus on project X for the remainder of the day.  The day is one of the dreariest observed in a very long time.  It has been raining since about 8am.  It rained some overnight as well.  Ingrid went out to pick up a few things from the supermarket and so I am just here writing this piece.  In this moment I feel somewhat at peace.  This moment will pass and something else will come.  But I am not worried about that right now.  I am just in this moment and enjoying each pick of my finger, as I strike the keyboard and writing this note.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  Behave By Robert Sapolsky – The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst; Happiness By Matthieu Ricard – A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill; How To Have A Good Day By Caroline Webb – Think Bigger, Feel Better and Transform Your Working Life
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Squash the EGO and Reorient Negative Emotions.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 444 – 4/9 (355)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Having a slow day.  Just spent 2 hours listening to Sam Harris and Ezra Klein debate.  I found Ezra to be more convincing of his position.  Not because I am AA, but because Sam seemed to be bent on defending Murray.  If Murray’s motivation ended at the science, which, as Ezra indicated is still problematic, then we would not be having this debate.  The fact is, he is defending a person who is clearly a bad faith actor in this scenario and who is not good for our society.  I spend a great deal of my time today listening to books on mindfulness.  I need to go back and pay attention to this.  I need to not lose focus on thinking abou the now.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Use Your Memory By Tony Buzan – Banish forgetfulness forever; Enlightenment Now By Steven Pinker – The Case For Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress; Wherever You Go, There You Are By Jon Kabat-Zinn – Mindfulness Meditation In Everyday Life The Power of Now By Eckhart Tolle – A Guide To Spiritual Enlightenment
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 443 – 4/8 (354)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Feeling relative good so far today.  The time now is 1136 and I have completed the major part of my workout for the day, I only have to worry about getting in my mileage/steps for the day and then that is it.  I am going out to the Universal Soul Circus.  It should be a grand time; looking forward to it.  Awesome time at the Circus today.  It was off the top.  Lots of music and it just felt warm and all around great time .  Went to eat some pizza afterwards.  It was a good day.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Resilience By Mark McGuinness – Facing Down Rejection and Criticism on the Road to Success; The Sleep Solution By W. Chris Winter, M.D. – Why Your Sleep Is Broken and How to Fix It; Captivate By Vanessa Van Edwards – The Science of Succeeding with People; Free Will By Sam Harris – The concept that is essentially an illusion
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • This week I this focus on these things
      – Values to live by: Honesty, Generosity, Humility
      – Start this: silence, affirmations, visualization, exercise, reading and writing.
      – The past is just that – our past.  It is not us.  Sometimes we have to go back to come here.  It can be scary because you don’t know what it will lead to
    • We hate losing more than we love winning
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice QUIET MIND each day.

Day 442 – 4/7 (353)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Not much to talk about today.  Spoke to my mother and got a bit upset because she said she was in pain and not telling anyone.  Also, she told me that she told Comis that she felt weak and then Comis left her alone at home and went to the movies with her entire family.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Mindwise By Nicholas Epley – How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel and Want; 21 Days to a Big Idea By Bryan Mattimore – Creating Breakthrough Business Concepts
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice SELF CONTROL each day.

Day 441 – 4/6 (352)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Good day thus  far.  Went to see the Quiet Place and it was really good.  I liked it a lot.  Spoke to Mama today.  She sounds well.  She was making breakfast.  Doreen called me with the news that Akeim got through at the embassy.  Really glad to hear that.  Hopefully she can work something out with his dad to help Kimone.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Mindwise By Nicholas Epley – How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel and Want; 21 Days to a Big Idea By Bryan Mattimore – Creating Breakthrough Business Concepts
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice SELF CONTROL each day.

Day 440 – 4/5 (351)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Mother poss lied but what does it matter , talk before and after treatment, talk with Comis, talk with Dr. Chintapalli, we had some delays in getting procedure started.  Call and talked to mama today.  She says she is feeling ok, just as yesterday.  She appears to be doing well with the medication.  Then again – her words tend to be a bit colored so  I will take that with a lump of salt.  Went out to have my 365th day of consecutive workout meal at Firehouse today.  It was wonderful.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Brainfluence By Roger Dooley  – 100 Ways to Persuade and Convince Consumers with Neuromarketing; Grit By Angela Duckworth  – The Power of Passion and Perseverance; Curious By Ian Leslie – The Desire to Know and Why Your Future Depends on It; The 4 Pillar Plan By Rangan Chatterjee – How to Relax, Eat, Move and Sleep Your Way to a Longer, Healthier Life
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice SELF CONTROL each day.

Day 439 – 4/4 (350)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Due to total focus on mama’s treatment.  I did not write anything here.  However, I did quite a bit of Blinkisting so that counts.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Soonish By Kelly Weinersmith and Zach Weinersmith – Ten Emerging Technologies That’ll Improve and/or Ruin Everything; Eat That Frog! By Brian Tracy – 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time; The Miracle Morning By Hal Elrod – The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (Before 8 A.M.)
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice SELF CONTROL each day.

Day 438 – 4/3 (349)  

  • 5 Min Flow – We Spoke: Finally had a chance to talk with Comis and I feel really good about it.  That kid really is in my head.  I sort of see her in the same realm of someone I need to protect.  I feel a deep sense of protection for her and I know she must feel it.  I feel her reaching back for me.  She knows that I mean her no harm and want only the best for her.  We delved into a variety of factors and levels, probing the depths of paths that we have not tread in very many years.  We are scratching for truth – that is refreshing.  It truly is.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The 8th Habit By Stephen R. Covey – From Effectiveness to Greatness; Mind Gym By Gary Mack & David Casstevens – An Athlete’s Guide to Inner Excellence; Your Best Just Got Better By Jason W. Womack – Work Smarter, Think Bigger, Make More, I Know How She Does It By Laura Vanderkam – How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time; The Paradox of Choice By Barry Schwartz – Why More Is Less
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice SELF CONTROL each day.

Day 437 – 4/2 (348)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: When someone brings out a negative reaction in you, try not to take it personally. In all likelihood, there are issues in that person’s life – issues that have nothing to do with you – that are influencing his or her behavior toward you.  I need to practice self control here.  I have to pull away from taking things so personal.  There is a lot going on in other peoples life so I need to keep that in mind.  I need to meditate more to unravel my mind.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Happiness Project By Gretchen Rubin  – Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning; How to Be a Bawse By Lilly Singh –  A Guide to Conquering Life
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • This week I plan to practice self control – thought, words and deed.
    • When someone brings out a negative reaction in you, try not to take it personally. In all likelihood, there are issues in that person’s life – issues that have nothing to do with you – that are influencing his or her behavior toward you.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice SELF CONTROL each day.

Day 436 – 4/1 (347)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I sort let it ripped today with Wayne but I am not feeling good about it right now.  Over the last week I have been in my head about Comis and I let it get the better of me in talking to Wayne.  I said more than I probably should but then again it was boiling up for a while.  I will have to apologize to Comis because I probably said somethings that while I may say it directly to her if I am being totally honest, she was not there and I said it out of her presence.  I really want us to come together and work as a family for the greater good of us all, but I just can’t seem to get my hands around everything and everyone.  I will keep trying tho.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Happiness Project By Gretchen Rubin  – Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More; Thank You for Being Late By Thomas L. Friedman – An Optimist’s Guide to Thriving in the Age of Accelerations; The Long View By Brian Fetherstonhaugh – Career Strategies to Start Strong, Reach High, and Go Far
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • This week I plan to practice self control – thought, words and deed.
    • I will do the things today that other people won’t do that I can do the things tomorrow that other people can’t.
    • Wayne called me today and we challte – see above.  Comis called me as well, I have to call her back.  She left a message but I did not and will not listen to it.
This Week 20‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice SELF CONTROL each day.

Day 435 – 3/31 (346)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Crazy like – Wayne called me today.  Not sure if he is on his way back or he just got back.  He either just got back and has talked to Doreen and is reaching out to feel me out or he is just reaching out to feel me out on where I am regarding his recent trip to see  mama.  I guess deep down, I don’t want to care about these people but they keep reaching out to me.  Sometimes I swear I wish I could just wish them all away.  I don’t feel like they are a part of me or even if I am apart of them.  My heart tries to be cold but I am called to do this and I cannot just not do it.  I am tired or trying to do the right thing all the time and all they do is just rip and tear.  Comis has cut the deepest because I thought she was really.  I am good tho – actually I am not; but it is all good.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Tribal Leadership By Dave Logan, John King and Halee Fischer-Wright – Leveraging Natural Groups to Build a Thriving Organization
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • No one likes being manipulated by their own mother.
This Week 19‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice MENTAL FOCUS each day.

Day 434 – 3/30 (345)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: This is the 4th day that I have been up in my thoughts about my mother and sister.  After a weird half conversation yesterday, my mother telling me that she did not mean to call but her hand brushed by the phone, she was calling me today.  I did not answer.  I not because I did not want to be drawn into her world.  Concealment and half truths lives in that world.  My sister and brother (at least Wayne) lives there.  It is a place that I am familiar with but don’t engage.  It is not raw.  It is hides pain and serves up bowls of discontent.  I will never understand that world.  It is silent and probably even sinister.  I don’t think it means well.  It is a mental trap that provides an ill-meant comfort to those who reside there.  It pervades the family.  It hides truth.  It is the ugliest of ugly.  I really want nothing to do with it.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Just Listen By Mark Goulston – Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Mama called today.  I will call her back sometime. I wish her well.
This Week 19‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice MENTAL FOCUS each day.

Day 433 – 3/29 (344)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: So my mother and Comis has gone into radio silence in recent days.  Not sure why.  It is as though they don’t Wayne to know that they call me or I suppose they may feel funny if I am on the phone with them while Wayne is there.  What a weird bunch.  I will just have to roll with the punches and Zen it out. Great conversation with Eddie today.  It appears Comis first me with talking to Eddie.  That’s ok, as long as he knows that’s fine.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Getting to Yes By Roger Fisher, William Ury & Bruce Patton – Negotiating an Agreement Without Giving In
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
This Week 19‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice MENTAL FOCUS each day.

Day 432 – 3/28 (343)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: It seems that all I am doing lately is thinking in this spot.  I got lots done today.  Akeim’s stuff is off and he is on his way to getting his interview.  His mom has plans for him but she says that she is not getting much support from his wife.  I basically like Doreen.  Early on she rubbed me wrong, but looking past the first affect, there is something deeper there.  She is a survivor.  She is smart and she love her kids and that is enough for me.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck By Mark Manson – A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life; Live It! By Jairek Robbins  – Achieve Success by Living With Purpose
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • I need to call Dr. C’s folks.  I also need to reach out to Carol.
    • Reached out to Dr. C’s folks today, did not get through.  Spoke to BCBS tho and got some good info on the way ahead with mama.
This Week 19‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice MENTAL FOCUS each day.

DDay 431 – 3/27 (342)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I am still working through the thoughts in head of Comis and mama and Wayne and how we can all come together.  Right now the picture is not that clear to me and I must get it clearer.  I am concerned about how mama will deal with the therapy starting next week.  I hope for the absolute best right now.  I hope we can come together in genuine sibling-ship and work for the betterment of mother and others.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  The American Presidency By Charles O. Jones – A Very Short Introduction; The Compound Effect By Darren Hardy – Jumpstart Your Income, Your Life, Your Success; Prisoners of Geography By Tim Marshall – Ten Maps That Tell You Everything You Need to Know About Global Politics
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • I need to call Dr. C’s folks.  I also need to reach out to Carol.
This Week 19‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice MENTAL FOCUS each day.

Day 430 – 3/26 (341)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I did not write much today.  My left shoulder was hurting.  I laid down then got up, did a quick workout, went to visitation with Tony’s, came home and that was the day.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  A People’s History of the United States By Howard Zinn  – A brilliant and moving history of the American people;  If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t you Happy? By Raj Raghunathan – How to Turn Career Success into Life Success
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a POSITIVE mental attitude at all times.
    • Heard from Comis that Wayne is heading to Louisiana.  Good for him and mama.
This Week 19‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice MENTAL FOCUS each day.

Day 429 – 3/25 (340)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Concerns: I am still in a weird place with Comis on my mind.  I have not meditated in 2 day; by all account that is falling off.  It appears that the fall off might be affecting my focus and concentration.  I am getting some solid time in with the Complex Analysis course that I am doing at Wesleyan.  I just need to close the loop in a few other areas.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Wisdom of Life By Arthur Schopenhauer – Schopenhauer’s take on will and deliberation; Stick with It By Sean D. Young – A Scientifically Proven Process for Changing Your Life – for Good; How To Read and Why By Harold Bloom  – Reading is for discovering and augmenting the self!;  How Not To Be a Boy By Robert Webb – A comedian’s journey with masculinity and gender
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a positive mental attitude at all times.
    • Wayne made contact because Doreen had not gotten back to him after our last exchange.
This Week 19‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice MENTAL FOCUS each day.

Day 428 – 3/24 (339)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Just Move On: I am trying to move on with Comis but something is kinda holding me back.  I feel that she thinks that I am renigging on a previous agreement.  We had no such agreement but that is not the point.  Conditions have changed.  Mama has a cancer that has a high recurrence rate.  We cannot afford to be without healthcare and I am not sure with her going overseas if that might put her in jeopardy of losing it.  If she does not have healthcare that could spell financial ruin for us.  I know she loves her family but when she puts up a false choice of choosing, I am not sure what she is saying.  If she did not discuss mama coming to live with her and her family before she came up that’s a foul on her.  But now that she is here and we have identified a problem, we have to adapt.  This situation can become explosive, because there are lots of variables involved.  The BL is we need to come up with a good plan for mama.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: None
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a positive mental attitude at all times.
    • Gots to shake this feeling with Comis.
This Week 18‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Emotional Awareness each day.

Day 427 – 3/23 (338)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Disappointment: My conversation with Comis right now are a bit concerning to me.  She seems to be operating in an odd way.  Something is changing or has changed.  It appears that there are things a-brewing and it is not a comfortable feeling.  This is a bit disappointing for me because I think there are negative potentials here.  I am understanding to a certain point, but I must admit, I must rise above a be better in my approach to what is going on.  I know this is a bit rumbling but that is ok, I am entitled to do that if I want to.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Word by Word By Kory Stamper – The Secret Life of Dictionaries
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim , Wayne this week
    • Keep a positive mental attitude at all times.
    • Feeling a bit weird about Comis’ bent.  She appears to be going back to the old state.  I am starting to have misgivings about her motive/intentions
This Week 18‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Emotional Awareness each day.

Day 426 – 3/22 (337)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Hopeful: Today was a hopeful day.  Had a really great discussion with Dr. Chintapalli about the prognosis.  She said she is going after cure given the results of the biopsy.  I am really happy about that.  In a moment of zen-ess, I am learning more and more to trust in the power of the mind.  Do not get caught up in tomorrow and things you have no control over.  Things will take care of themselves – just leave it and let it be.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Principles By Ray Dalio – Life and Work
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim  this week
    • Keep a positive mental attitude at all times.
    • Need to send some money to Cousin Norma for Uncle Errol’s funeral.
This Week 18‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Emotional Awareness each day.

Day 425 – 3/21 (336)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Fearful: I am in a space that recently I have become quite familiar with.  I am somewhat afraid of what the future holds for my mother.  At the same time i have her here and I am thankful for each moment.  When I talk with her I become sad.  I am not supposed to but I do.  I know that what you resist persists, but it is not an easy road to travel.  I am not sure I am fearful of my own passing; I think I have made amends with that.  I think why I feel sadness for my mom is because of the loneliness that it appears her life has been.  I has essentially been a survivalist all her life and in some ways it feels a bit unfair that now she is at a point where she can take a breath, all of this comes to her.  I don’t want her to go into an oblivious space because then that just creates distance.  I want to ensure that each interaction/engagement is committed to the core.  True connection.  It must be raw and unvarnished.  I also understand that she has to cope wth it in her way, so I have to just find the right space.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Whole30 By Melissa Hartwig & Dallas Hartwig – The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim  this week
    • Keep a positive mental attitude at all times.
    • Mama goes in to start treatment tomorrow; how to get a good prognosis.
This Week 18‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Emotional Awareness each day.

Day 424 – 3/20 (335)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Had a long conversation with Comis.  She calls me up with the fact that Austin just told her that he has just gotten orders.  She was quite frantic with it and understandably so.  I gave a bit of inside game as to how the detailing process works and kinda let her know that whatever it is that she feels that she needs to do then she should go ahead and do it.  I know it is a lot of pressure on her, but right now, given the way life has worked out, she is principally the person who will have to play a pivotal role right now.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t you Happy? By Raj Raghunathan – How to Turn Career Success into Life Success
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen, Akeim  this week
    • Keep a positive mental attitude at all times.
    • Interesting conversation with Comis regarding orders.
    • Made arrangement for Dr Chillapolly to be Mama’s doctor
This Week 18‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Emotional Awareness each day.

Day 423 – 3/19 (334)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Spend most of the day trying to catch up with mother’s condition and do a bit of forward planning.  Spent time at Physical Therapist, reached out to Dodo, Uncle Errol’s wife, she did not answer or respond.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Barking Up the Wrong Tree By Eric Barker – The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen,  this week
    • Keep a positive mental attitude at all times.
This Week 18‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Emotional Awareness each day.

Day 422 – 3/18 (333)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Positive Vibes: I listed to the below Blink of the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.  It was a quite a good listen.  My main take away was that the secret to the universe is the law of attraction – we get what we put out. We get what we ask for. Ask for positive stuff. What you spend the most time thinking about is what comes to you.  She says there are 3 things you need to do:
    • 1. Ask – be clear about what you want and let it be int present. I am great full do…,
    • 2. Have faith …. believing that what you ask for you will get it
    • 3. Receive – I am receiving …. now

– Let negativity pass through don’t hang on.
– Visualization is important
– Treat others like you would like to be treated
– When you believe something you can bring it into existence.  I absolutely believe this.  I believe that the people around me are living in my existence.  I will this life.
– Secret to life is to realize you are one energy field operating in a larger energy field.  You can call the larger God or whatever, but we are not alone, we are connected.
– Very important don’t resist impulse – let them flow through you with non attachment – What you resist persists
– You have complete control over your thoughts
– Get a gratitude rock…every time you touch it say some positive. The idea is to keep a positive mindset.

  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Secret By Rhonda Byrne – The bestseller that changed million lives in profound ways
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen,  this week
    • Distance yourself from the people who: Lie to you, Disrespect you, Use you and Put you down.
This Week 18‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Emotional Awareness each day.

Day 421 – 3/17 (332)  

  • 5 Min Flow – News: I will just continue with news here today.  This is sort of a late post, but since Id add my Blink Listen, I am still gonna claim unbroken.  Comis and I had planned on or least I thought we were agreed, to talk to mama about the finding – first on Sunday, then reconsidered to do it on Saturday.  Something told me to call and talk to mama and ask her what she knows.  She then told me that Comis told her.  At first I was just upset about the whole thing, but then I spoke to mama for a good amount of time and came of the phone feeling pretty good, but also with the sense that she (mama) was handling the news pretty well too.  Comis called me later to tell me of a letter that came from Blue Cross that mama needed to sign.  We chatted briefly, I did not mention how I felt and we agreed to talk later.  To be quite frank, I am and will really work on being more aware of my emotions.  Is it that I want to have more control over the situation, that I know what is better, that I do not trust that Comis has the necessary tool to deal with this effectively, the fact that I am scared, the fact that more is not being done in my view.  I think all these things are or can be true.  The fact still remains that it is just my perspective. I must wrestle with them all.  I must refrain from casting or seemingly trying to cast blame on anyone and/or anything.  Things are the way they are.  We will do our best to do good and then let the end be dictated by our good actions only.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: How to Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie – Basic rules for how to make a good first impression;The Asshole Survival Guide By Robert I. Sutton – How to Deal With People Who Treat You Like Dirt
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen,  this week
    • Distance yourself from the people who: Lie to you, Disrespect you, Use you and Put you down.
This Week 17‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will continue to practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 420 – 3/16 (331)  

  • 5 Min Flow – News: We can’t or should qualify news as bad or good.  I am starting to see this in the spirit of the buddhist way.  Today I got the news from Comis that the operation by Dr. Black revealed that one of the lymph node removed was in fact cancerous.  I honestly do not feel the deep darkness that overcame me a few couple of months ago.  I suppose in some way I have given over to the belief that we all will have to go some day and in some way.  I don’t want my mother to suffer in this process, so I will give all that I can to see to that.  I hope we have many more years but even if we don’t I want to time we have to together, whether I go first of she does, to be filled with meaning for both of us.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Ikigai By Hector Garcia Puigcerver and Francesc Miralles – The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen,  this week
    • Distance yourself from the people who: Lie to you, Disrespect you, Use you and Put you down.
    • I go the news today for Comis.
    • Tamia’s will be giving birth in May
This Week 17‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will continue to practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 419 – 3/15 (330)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Perseverance: I am so happy for Doreen.  She has really hung in there for her kids.  She has pressed the envelope, even in the face of constant.  She is the epitome of perseverance in my mind.  She shares similar traits to a lot of of other women that i have had to deal with in my life.  I respect that and I can always work with folks like that.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: A Brief History of Everyone Who Ever Lived By Adam Rutherford – The Human Story Retold Through Our Genes
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  | Doreen,  this week
    • Distance yourself from the people who: Lie to you, Disrespect you, Use you and Put you down.
    • Spring Break starts today.
    • Spoke to Doreen.  She is super jacked about her son getting opportunity to come up.  I am super excited for her.
This Week 17‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will continue to practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 418 – 3/14 (329)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Teaching: So Ingrid send me a video today of former Pres. Obama, along with Mrs Obama displaying such vast abundance of love.  You could see from each of the pics how truly they were lovingly kind and how it came genuinely from their souls.  Now, this is not about Donald Trump and his group, but everything that I have seen of this man so far has been all negative as far as I am concern.   The video I watch today of Mr. Obama was the epitome of “Teaching Loving Kindness”.  Our nation should be grateful for to have had a president such as this.  I am, for one, grateful (sorry about the dangling modifier)
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: When By Daniel H. Pink – The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  this week
    • Distance yourself from the people who: Lie to you, Disrespect you, Use you and Put you down.
    • Report of the death of Stephen Hawkins.  The world has lost a visionary. PBUH.
    • Got on the way to get a pizza for pi day and ended up at Golden Corral, spending more than we intended.
This Week 17‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will continue to practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 417 – 3/13 (328)  

  • 5 Min Flow – No Perfection: Listened to several books today.  See the list below.  I found Finish by Jon Acuff to be quite good, even useful.  One of the main points that stuck out with me was the whole idea of not being a perfectionist.  So many times we limit ourselves by stopping because we did not fully meet the mark.  I know that I for one have been a victim of this mindset.  in fact, I had to purposefully break myself away from it writing this blog post.  I wanted to maintain a daily blog and so at one point I missed a day and almost fell ill from the taught.  I did not feel like giving up but I was well over 200 consecutive posts and felt that since I missed one day it was all over I was a failure.  Well, I took a deep breath said to myself, well dude – write a longer post today and fill in why you missed the day and move on.  In the scheme of things, this is a very small deal.  I did so and now, as I write this post, I have written over 328 posts.  I may have missed only 2 day in that time and when I say missed I mean the clock crossed over midnight without and entry.  I typically will fill it in very soon thereafter – like before 1215am.  I am so proud of myself I am breaking down so many barriers.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Finish By Jon Acuff – Give Yourself the Gift of Done; Problem Solving 101 By Ken Watanabe  – A Simple Book for Smart People; The Blood of Emmett Till By Timothy B. Tyson – The extraordinary New York Times bestseller that reexamines the 1955 lynching of Emmett Till
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  this week
    • Distance yourself from the people who: Lie to you, Disrespect you, Use you and Put you down.
    • We took Cheyenne to a Women in Science chat at the library this evening.  It was pretty engaging and interesting.
This Week 17‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will continue to practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 416 – 3/12 (327)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Up and Down: Today was one of those days.  Mother’s procedure, Tony’s mother in hospice back at home and just feeling a bit down right now.  I will have to do a bit of meditation so I won’t spend much of time here.  This is suffice for my entry today.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Big Leap By Gay Hendricks – Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  this week
    • Mama went in for her biopsy today.  A bit inconclusive.  Left lymph looks a bit off. Has been sent off for analysis.
This Week 17‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will continue to practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 415 – 3/11 (326)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Family: For so long and in so many ways we are told that this is the best unit of association.  I do believe that to be the case.  I feel, however, that from time to time we often lose ourselves as individuals to the family and society places such a premium on that it can be a stressor.  At any rate, to me my immediate family is everything I live for.  I love them so much it is hard to even imagine life without them. They fulfill so many things for me in this life it is not even funny. It start with my female unit.  She is beautiful – so friggin’ beautiful it not even funny.  She is smart and kind. My son is awesome, smart and probably the kindest person I know.  My daughter is like her mom, a beautiful smile, kind eyes, very smart and consciencious
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Myths of Innovation By Scott Berkun – The bestseller on the history of ideas
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  this week
    • Today I  forgive my brother Pete.  I ask that the cup of indifference be taken from me.   MYSELF!
    • Really liking the crossfit stuff now.  Watching it quite a bit.
This Week 17‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will continue to practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 414 – 3/10 (325)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: This is not gonna be a 5 min splash.  I am on a rush to go out with Grid but I want to get something down before she comes and get upset with me.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do By Amy Morin – Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  this week
    • Today I  forgive my brother Pete.  I ask that the cup of indifference be taken from me.   MYSELF!
    •  Went to the movies with the female unit.
This Week 16‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 413 – 3/9 (324)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Love: I truly believe that love is the most powerful energy in the world.  It is an energy because you can feel it.  I also believe that you can’t talk about love if you don’t talk about hate.  Many have said that there is not enuff love in the world.  Well, on a per capita basis, I don’t think that is the case.  Surely there are folks who might now love another, but I think it is safe to say, most of the 7Bill people on this planet love some one and is loved by someone.  And while a great many of them will or does hate others, I would say such hatred likely don’t amount to the level of love.  Being the clutches of both love and hate, I think it is hard to say which one is stronger.  This, however, does not take away from the power of love as a refreshing force of renewal.  There is just something about love, unlike any other emotion that is able to propel the spirit forward in a shroud of all encompassing eteranl light.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Myths of Innovation By Scott Berkun – The bestseller on the history of ideas
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  this week
    • Today I  forgive my brother Pete.  I ask that the cup of indifference be taken from me.   MYSELF!
    • Don’t criticize – love:  This was the mantra that came to me today while I was meditating.
This Week 16‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 412 – 3/8 (323)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: Today was a good day.  I feel a bit philosophical.  My wife made a great soup, I went to get my evaluation for my right hip.  I hope I am not developing some long lasting hip and shoulder problem.  I am not stopping my workout regiment so my body better just get on board.  At any rate, I have a whole bunch of things to do to fix my issues so I will be starting that tomorrow.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Social Animal By David Brooks – The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  this week
    • Today I  forgive my brother Pete.  I ask that the cup of indifference be taken from me.   MYSELF!
    • New earphones awesome!
This Week 16‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 411 – 3/7 (322)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Humanity: Today I read a couple articles that got my blood boiling.  First was one on the approval of the Florida Senate approving guns in classrooms.  The other was a police video of a cop stomping on the head of a young man who was handcuffed on the ground with another cop already handling him.  While the first was less blatant than the second, both target the people of color – and more directly the black male.  It was rather odd today when I came across an essay in Aeon that discussed the philosophy of a Jewish philosopher by the name of Buber. The essence of the essay surrounded a book that he wrote titled – I and thou.  The main point is that all human being interact in either an I and thou or an I and it.  Here taken from the book – “Perhaps (as Marx argued) this dynamic is intensified by capitalism, which makes commodities of people, transactions of relationships. But our instrumentalism runs deeper than this. Capitalism only exploits what is already lurking there: our all-too-easy tendency toward a vicious, unwavering selfishness.”  Black and brown people are dealt with wickedly.  We are not see as someone like thou, but an it.  This is painful to experience and so I would ask God as he observes – what is the point of all of this.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Hooked By Nir Eyal – How to Build Habit-Forming Products
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia, Clyde  this week
    • Today I  forgive my brother Pete.  I ask that the cup of indifference be taken from me.   MYSELF!
    • Texted back Carl this morning. Told him I appreciate the words on Uncle Errol, that I won’t be attend due to other issues.  I also asked about Tamia and Dom.
    • Spoke to Clyde for like 3 hours.  Pretty epic.  Talked about a lot; cover the entire gamut.
This Week 16‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 410 – 3/6 (321)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Torn: I am feeling a bit between a rock and a hard place.  Carl reached out to me today regarding Uncle Errol.  He gave his condolences but I am not sure I want to even engage him.  I don’t know what is keeping me back.  I feel that I should on one hand, because it is the right thing to do, but another side says stay away.  I am just not sure that he is capable of being honest and I think buddhist teaching would say, meet with him with expectation.  Aunt Cissy would want that.  I must step away from myself and recognize that when others fail to meet what my expectations of them are, I can still dislike their act but see the humanity and respond to the humanity.  I need to get back to my Buddhist studies.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: A Sky Full of Birds By Matt Merritt – In Search of Murders, Murmurations and Britain’s Great Bird Gatherings
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia,  this week
    • Today I  forgive my brother Pete.  I ask that the cup of indifference be taken from me.   MYSELF!
    • Somehow I feel deep down inside even after forgiving someone, something deep down still holds on.  How can I get rid of that?  How do I become bigger than that.
This Week 16‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 409 – 3/5 (320)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Today: I came to this late.  I was not feeling well, however, I did add a few items below so I will rebound on my 5 min flow tomorrow.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Greatest Show on Earth By Richard Dawkins – The Evidence for Evolution
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia,  this week
    • Today I  forgive my brother Pete.  I ask that the cup of indifference be taken from me.   MYSELF!
    • Don’t be controlled by these five things
      • your past
      • Other people’s opinion
      • Limited beliefs
      • Relationships
      • Money
  • There is no force on earth greater than love
  • Nothing exists in this world that did not fist exist as pure thought.
  • Body – Mind – Spirit / Physical-Spiritual-Meta-physical
  • When you have a thought that is not in line with your higher vision move away from that thought then and there.
This Week 16‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 408 – 3/4 (319)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Forgiveness: I am not sure if forgiveness is something that exists in another worldly sense, but I wish to embark upon a journey of forgiving.  I started to write that I want to forgive others, namely my brother Pete, but in retrospect, I might want to look a bit closer to the boat.  How about myself.  There are things that I have done that was not “my best self”.  I will first forgive myself and the essence of the individual/s that were wrong, second, I will pledge never to do them again.  I will no longer judge them as right or wrong.  Such judgement tries to find justification in an act.  The only determination that must be made is whether your action hurts or doesn’t hurt, meaning to cause or inflict suffering on another.  If it does you are wrong.  This will also require a keen awareness of action and the responses to action.  This mean awareness of self in time and space  has to be on point.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Get Well Soon By Jennifer Wright – History’s Worst Plagues and the Heroes Who Fought Them ; The Untethered Soul By Michael A. Singer – The Journey Beyond Yourself
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia,  this week
    • Today I  forgive my brother Pete.  I ask that the cup of indifference be taken from me.   MYSELF!
This Week 16‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Forgiveness each day.

Day 407 – 3/3 (318)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Woman: I must admit, this is a bit random.  I am behind on my writing for today and so here I am trying to make up for it.  At any rate, what do I want to say about “Woman” as a topic.  I think I saw it some place that I was previous a woman in a previous iteration.  That is so crazy.  One thing is for sure, I really really love the female unit.  They are totally irresistible to me.  Now, I will not know anyone else.  I suppose whatever a person who profess to be gay feels for someone of the same sex is in fact feeling it, I have the such a strong and profound feeling for the female that I cannot begin to even fathom how it is that every man does not feel that.  I honestly get that a woman might feel the way I do towards another woman, because I believe the essence of a woman is that powerful.  Yep, that’s all that I will say here in the interest of time and brevity.  So until next time – peace.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Search Inside Yourself By Chade-Meng Tan – The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace)
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia,  this week
    • Today I will show kindness and understanding.  
    • I did raise my voice a couple times, but I had a wonderful conversation with Cheyenne this morning regarding – sacrifice for the future self.  We talked about willpower, motivation, focus, etc.  She is truly an awesome kid.  She is my kid but I am sure any other objective person would agree.
This Week 15‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Being Aware each day.

Day 406 – 3/2 (317)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Today’s Attitude: I suppose as you grow older to start reflecting on your past.  Your view of life takes a more nuanced approach.  Things are so adversarial anymore – at least for me.  I no longer feel the need to prove to anyone or even myself for that matter that I am good enough.  I have to need of “more”.  I am also finding that my fuse gets a bit short when I sense that someone is falling short of my expectation.  I have very little time to give to speech that is not of value.  I keep a pretty small friend circle and I guard my time fiercely.  I believe that people will steal your time for BS, so you must guard against it.  My focus this week is to show kindness – did I show kindness?  How do one measure that.   I also captured these words today: stay humble, don’t expect anything – no one owes you anything, Be thankful, Be kind, Be forgiving.  One thing that I have noticed that I have in common with my mother – we give, give and give.  But don’t mistake our kindness for weakness, because once our heart changes, is not very easily changed back.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen:  None
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia,  this week
    • Everyone is still coming to grips with Uncle Errol’s passing.  He truly became a blindspot in my life
This Week 15‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Being Aware each day.

Day 405 – 3/1 (316)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Death: So just moments ago I got the news that my uncle Errol passed away.  I have very vivid memory of him as a kid.  Just a couple day ago I was thinking about him and how important it is to build memories as a kid.  He was the first man that I knew.  He was a powerful person.  I remember him throwing me up in the air and catching me as a little 5 year old.  I must have been small for my age, because I remember being light.  I also remember the day he used a mountain to knock out my mother.  Something I am pretty sure my mother must have forgiven him for but something that I held in some way deep inside against him for many years.  I never got a chance to talking to him about that, but in talking with my mother, I am not so sure she fully forgave him.  He has been sick for sometime now; I hope he did not suffer in his final hours.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Writing That Works By Kenneth Roman and Joel Raphaelson – How To Communicate Effectively In Business
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan | Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia,  this week
    • Wow! Uncle Errol passed.  It is just so funny, we know not the time or hour.  It has been many years, I really hope he did not suffer.
This Week 15‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Being Aware each day.

Day 404 – 2/28 (315)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Kindness: Yesterday I wrote about gratitude.  Another similar act is one of kindness.  Both are similar is most respect but while gratitude is an express of thanks, a more passive act, kindness is more active.  Been kind is action oriented, it has to be demonstrated.  Like expressing gratitude, showing kindness gives one a positive awareness.  Also, it is very hard for one to be sad, when expressing gratitude or kindness.  Both are tender acts and should be practiced by all.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Writing That Works By Kenneth Roman and Joel Raphaelson – How To Communicate Effectively In Business
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia,  this week
    • Not too much going on today.  The Michael McDonald concert last night was on point.  Love it…had a great time.
This Week 15‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Being Aware each day.

Day 403 – 2/27 (314)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Gratitude: I really think that this is one of the most important things that must be practiced in life.  There are lots of folks you say thank you, but I think that thank you is more than just word.  It is showing gratitude in actions/deeds as well.  So many times you do things for others and they shower a whole bunch of thanks on you, but we can tell it is only flowery words, their tone, eyes and microactions belies their true feelings.  The real reason I believe gratitude is very important is due to the fact that when someone does something good or nice for you, that in many cases is a selfless act.  If you can’t be thankful for someone doing something out of pure altruism, then I think you are the most undeserving and shameful person.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The Blank Slate By Steven Pinker – The Modern Denial of Human Nature
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia,  this week
    • Going to see Michael McDonald.  I am so psyched.
    • Carol is trying to get through to me but for some reason i can’t hear her words.
This Week 15‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Being Aware each day.

 Day 402 – 2/26 (313)  

  • 5 Min Flow – Honesty: The narrative we feed ourselves at times just throws me for a loop.  I like my life because I am mostly not beholden to anyone for my daily existence.  I put in my time.  I worked hard and if the life is fair, I should reap my just rewards.  I think a big part of the suffering that we all experience is through dishonestly.  You can’t teach someone not to deceive you or not be dishonest.  This is something that I believe comes from within.  I think most of the dishonesty we experience comes from a delusion of self.  I think most of us want to be other than we are and so we either feed ourselves or others close to us an image of distortion.  Initially, I think we do it to mask our feeling of inadequacies but then it become something of necessity.  It is as though we build up a tower to mask our fear only to become trapped in that tower.  Once we get trapped we can’t leave so we end up having to believe in the tower to lessen the pain.  The pain becomes compounded and therein is true suffering. How about tearing down the tower – lay bare without secrets and conspiracies.  Have the courage to be your full self; life is much better that way.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Unscrewed By Jaclyn Friedman – Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia,  this week
    • Don’t think the lack of participation is a personal slight.  People have more pressing need.  People have different value system.  Be compassionate and understanding and people will be drawn.
    • Heard that Uncle Errol is in the hospital.  Everyone is praying for him.  I wish I could feel the certainly of their conviction but I am out in the cold.  I am ok with that tho.  I feel firmer.
This Week 15‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Being Aware each day.

Day 401 – 2/25 (312) – HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

  • 5 Min Flow – Birthday: Today is my birthday and it is so weird.  It is almost like the first time that I am aware of my age.  It not like I was never conscious of the fact that I getting up in age, but now I am stopping and starting to appreciate the passage of time.  The fact that I am no longer the young kid but now become the old and wizened.  Some of my teacher have passed on but I am very thankful for the life I have been privileged to live.  My wife is my best friend and she is an awesome person.  Each day I feel like I am moving towards fulfillment of my what I am here on this earth for.  I am hopefully achieving some of my life’s mission with my kids and I hope I have been and is been a good guardian for my wife.   Aunt Cissy, you were my guide, I know it.  My birth mother is my protector, but she had to let me go so that I could experience the fullness of life.  I love you both for it and I am so glad to be here and experiencing the boundless love on my birthday.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: The 4 Pillar Plan By Rangan Chatterjee – How to Relax, Eat, Move and Sleep Your Way to a Longer, Healthier Life
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |  Capt. Whittles, Aunt Edna, Aunt Hazel, Tamia,  this week
    • I was born on a saturday 51 years ago
This Week 15‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Being Aware each day.

Day 400 – 2/24 (311)

  • 5 Min Flow – Relationships: So working out today, I was listening to a YouTube video latin mix that I have come to love lately.  There was this particular song that came up.  I have listened to and watched it countless times.  I am not able to follow the whole thing, but the gist is about relationship between people who become humdrum or unaware over time and this band is going around with one member of the relationship and surprising the other person.  Like I said I have watched it many times before, but there is a part just before it ends where, this gent turned up to surprise his wife/female-unit and the look that came to her face when she saw him and what he was doing for her just melted me into a puddle.  It was such a beautiful moment.  In her face, her eyes, I saw love, sacrifice, appreciation and dedication all at once.  It was just so beautiful.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: How to Lie with Statistics By Darrell Huff – This 1954 classic teaches you how advertisers and the media use statistics to dupe people.
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |   this week
    • I will begin each day with love in my heart – showing kindness
    • I will love hard and show compassion in everything that I do.
    • I will remember where I came from, take care of my family but give back.
This Week 14‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Showing Kindness each day.

Day 399 – 2/23 (310)

  • 5 Min Flow – Thoughts: I have become so much more aware of how my thoughts affect my emotions.  Over the last few months I have been paying very close attention to the things that are coming into my awareness and how they make me feel.  It is as though I am stepping out of myself and observing what is going on – pretty much as if I am an object under observation.  Last saturday, as I was thinking about my engagement with Ingrid before getting into the car, I pointedly remember thinking how that should go down.  It was as if I could say to myself, as the emotions of getting upset was boiling up, slow down stop, blowing up is one way, but there are other ways to approach this.  I got in the car and exploded.  A few moments later the feeling was gone.  This was one of the most vivid memory that I have about the fleeting nature of thought, how they drive your emotion and how a momentary act or words can be so regrettable.  I have found myself able to hold back at time before, but this was a bit different.  This meditation stuff works.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: Fluent Forever by Gabriel Wyner  – How to Learn Any Language Fast and Never Forget It
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |   this week
    • I will begin each day with love in my heart – showing kindness
    • I will love hard and show compassion in everything that I do.
This Week 14‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Showing Kindness each day.

Day 398 – 2/22 (309)

  • 5 Min Flow – Integrity: I might have to hit integrity another day again, because I feel so tired right now.  Don’t want to sound too much like I am complaining but I spent quite a bit of time outside today – yaaayyy!  I am looking forward to springtime and the outdoors.  But Just fit this bill I will say a few things about “integrity” as I am supposed to.  I do feel that this is one of the most important quality a person can have.  Doing the right thing even when no one is there to observe it take a tremendous amount of courage and self discipline.  I can probably say that I have tried to maintain this quality in my life to a very high degree.  I have had moment when I break, I can’t thing of any right off the top, but I am quite sure I have.  I also do not like a highly mistrust those who exhibit a very low degree of integrity.  I try to keep them at arms length because I truly can’t trust them.  That’s all I am gonna say on this for now.  I will most likely take it up again.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blink Listen: What is the Bible  by Rob Bell –  How an Ancient Library of Poems, Letters, and Stories Can Transform the Way You Think and Feel About Everything
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |   this week
    • So far not too bad. Today is the first day in the rest of my life.  I love it.
    • Started a new meditation program called 30 Days of calm today.  It was quite interesting – I think i like it.
    • I am also gonna make a meditation bench today.  I need to go by home depot to get the necessary material.
This Week 14‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Showing Kindness each day.

Day 397 – 2/21 (308)

  • 5 Min Flow – Anxiety: I read a piece on anxiety today, so I am somewhat moved to write on it today.  I think that I have always been an anxious person.  I think that I may have gotten that from my mother, as a trait.  As long as I can remember, she has always seemed nervous to me – anxiousness just always seems to be on her face.  I felt for her that her anxiety came from a uneasiness, even an unsureness of her place.  In her words, she has felt that she has never had a place.  She felt her dad did love her, but her mom – not so much.  For me, my anxiety, like my mom, stems from the unknown.  I came to an early realization that I was poor and had to depend on the whims of others for survival.  My mother was poorly educated.  She had been a domestic, pretty much all her life.  She had two boys before me, and barely, if even take care of them beyond infancy.  I don’t know if meeting my father was an escape for her.  I don’t know if she was in love with him.  But she had two kids with him 4 years apart, so I can only surmise that she did have warm feeling for him.  My anxiety has been a close friend as far back as I can remember.  The unsureness of whether my father is going to stop by my uncle’s house, where I waited for him each day after school, and give me a couple dollars.  I think $5 was the highest note I remember getting from him.  I was around 11 when I stopped.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |   this week
    • Need to work on getting mama stuff squared away.
    • How about going out and having a good day than just hoping for it… today I want to practice kindness
This Week 14‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Showing Kindness each day.

Day 396 – 2/20 (307)

  • 5 Min Flow – Feelings: I am sort of in my feeling right now regarding Carl.  He text me today trying to make contact.  The Buddha in my says I should do the right thing and reach backout, but the block between us is Tamia.  I am so still in my heart about how that whole thing went down and when he called me the other day to tell me about Tamia being pregnant again it was like pouring salt on a wound.  I don’t know how to see past this.  It is his kid, but I felt like he has personally done something to me.  It is so hurtful, everytime I hear from him, I think of the little Chubster and what his life is gonna be like.  Damn I need to get pass this, I really do, but something in me is holding me back from engagement. Somehow, i am feeling like it is not time right now. I am absolutely conflicted.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Blinkist Listen: Carrots and Sticks by Ian Ayres – Unlock the Power of Incentives to Get Things Done
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |   this week
    • My meditation is pretty much on point.  It has just become a part of my day and in fact I do look forward to it.
    • Got through quite a bit of my Risk course at Coursera.  Really feel good about that.
    • Need to work on getting mama stuff squared away.
This Week 14‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Showing Kindness each day.

Day 395 – 2/19 (306)

  • 5 Min Flow – Fear: My mother is scared some.  I know she is not as scared as we were several weeks ago when we were waiting to do the scan for cancer and then even worse – waiting for the results to the scan, but she is still very much there.  I am admittedly a little less so – actually more than just a little.  I think that as long as we can get a good monitoring program on her, we can ensure nothing develops.  I am still a bit leery about Dr. Black’s team, if I am being honest.  It takes multiple times contacting them for them to get back to you and they rarely do get back to you.  I have not had much time with looking forward and I know that both Ingrid and Comis aren’t either.  Comis is swamped and Ingrid is waiting to be told what to do next.  Any future thinking has to come from this brain.  No worries, I will just have to deal with it.  I tried to assuage mama’s fears a bit, but I know that my words won’t or can’t measure up.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |   this week
    • Got some really good time on working on Project X today.  I was a bit distracted some, due to the guy next door cutting down his trees.  I am so excited about this.  I will miss the birds, but I will definitely enjoy having the sun heating my pool this summer.  I can’t wait to be able to enjoy my pool.
This Week 14‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Showing Kindness each day.

Day 394 – 2/18 (305)

  • 5 Min Flow – Philosophy: I am not sure if I have a philosophy in the strict meaning of the term.  I know I hold certain believe or I have strong sentiments towards certain things but I have not really put those things down in any cogent ways.  I do not like or probably more strongly put, I have people who tae advantage of others.  I know I have experienced that coming to me from others, but I cannot say that I am totally blameless here.  And in those instances where they exists in me, I detest that part of my make up.  I know there are degrees of just about everything out there and we can always justify specific actions, but knowingly taking advantage of someone is something that just moves me.  I will have to revise philosophy again.  I think there is just so much that you can cover under this heading that will need a longer time to put together and write about.   .
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan |   this week
    • After talking with Dee and Will yesterday, I must say that I am encouraged about going forward with full force with the idea of the family guardian.
This Week 14‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Showing Kindness each day.

Day 393 – 2/17 (304)

  • 5 Min Flow – Malik: Spent the day in Ocala with the Cousin’s. It was all about Malik – felt really weird.  Not bad, just a bit unexplainable.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan, Carol, this week
    • Was on the road to Ocala to take part in Malik’s drive
This Week 13‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Active Listening each day.

392 – 2/16 (303)

  • 5 Min Flow – Music: As Yvad said , if music be the food of love, play on…play on. It is clear that music has special properties in moving us to higher planes of thought and probably even consciousness.  Watching my daughter blow the clarinet is magical.  For some reason when I watch and listen to my kids play it moves something in me.  It is both motivating and it is so hard to explain – I just get extremely happy and almost tearful.  Well, if I am being honest, I pretty much lose a few drops every time I hear both my kids play.  I am happy that I forced them to stick with it.  I think Cheyenne is surprising herself now.  She is begging to see her inner strength.  She is starting to believe.  And I am loving it.
  • Music Practice: None – suspended until March 31st.
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan, this week
    • When to Mandarin Middle School today to listen to my Chey play with her school clarinet choir.  It was so awesome – they were all so awesome.  It appears our lessons with Tracy is paying off.
This Week 13‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Active Listening each day.

Day 391 – 2/15 (302)

  • 5 Min Flow – Your Body: I was just listening to a shaolin monk – Shifu Yan Lei, now living in Britain.  Some he said that struck me.  Most people say they don’t have time to workout each day.  But all you need is 30 mins to pay attention to your body and take care of your body.  How can you say you love yourself and want to give yourself to someone if you don’t even care enough about yourself to take care of it – why should someone want that.  You need to take care of your body.  Just like you wouldn’t want some one to give you leftovers, don’t give anyone else leftovers.
  • Music Practice: None
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita, Bryan, this week
    • I am not getting to work on my app.  I will be working next week exclusively on it.  Get up – workout, app.  That is how focus I have to get.
This Week 13‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Active Listening each day.

Day 390 – 2/14 (301)

  • 5 Min Flow – Valentines Day: I believe I am become more in-tuned with what a husband is supposed to do to make his wife feels fully loved and appreciated.  I guess we are getting into that phase in our relationship where we has  becoming seasoned.  There are times when I get upset (really upset), but those times are eclipse by intense moments of joyous love for my wife.  She is soft and sweet and her smile melts my heart.  I love her so much.
  • Music Practice: None
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita this week
    • Today is Valentines Day.  17 kids killed down state from here.  It is such a bad feeling.
This Week 13‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Active Listening each day.

Day 389 – 2/13 (300)

  • 5 Min Flow – Today: Transitioned into this day…not much to say.
  • Music Practice: None
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita this week
    • Days feel like they are moving so fast.
This Week 13‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Active Listening each day.

Day 388 – 2/12 (299)

  • 5 Min Flow – Value: Hmmm.  This is an interesting word that has multiple meaning.  Today I chose to look at this from the standpoint of lives.  I value the love that I have gotten from so many that have helped me to this point in my life.  Some unknowingly I have done so, but it is in no way lost on me.  I have and still intend to honor their actions by giving back and in those instance where I can make it known, I will not hesitate to do so.  My life has been quite the journey.  As I reflect these days I am so thankful for all the folks along the way that saw some type of value in me, especially as a young kid coming up.  Aunt Cissy and Aunt Edna, first and foremost.  It was a bit of a challenge at times but they stayed the course.  Aunt May is another one that jumps out at me.  She kept me even when my father would not bring us any money.  So if I am being honest, the most important people in my life have all been women.  From my flesh mother to my life mother and others.  They saw the value in me and I will eternally be grateful and love them for it.
  • Music Practice: Practice the G, D and C chords a bit.  .
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie, Aunt Edna, Aunt Rita this week
    • Got a response from Tony – that felt good.
This Week 13‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Active Listening each day.

Day 387 – 2/11 (298)

  • 5 Min Flow – My Daughter: She is beautiful, smart and I wish I could say kind, but, I guess you can’t have it all.  In so many ways she reminds me of my wife.  She emulates her and it is so funny to watch her watching her and at time when she is with me she try to say some of the things and act some of the ways her mother acts towards me.  She is different in many ways from my son, but I suppose talking about her as not what she is one way to describe her.  She is certainly quite driven.  She know what she likes and she is passionate about the things that she cares about.  The things that she doesn’t like or care about, she is equally dispassionate about and spares no moment to let that be known.  She will be success, I just know it.  While she emulates her mom, I see my driven qualities in her.  She is almost just as paranoid as I am…well was or can be.  Not sure if that is a good trait, but I know it does have some good qualities – such as to force you to focus on the important things.
  • Music Practice: No practice…I am rethinking this right now.  I might have too much on my plate and I am not doing justice to this goal. By week’s end I must make up my mind to continue.
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne | Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc |  Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip | Carol, Homero, Uncle Willie, Aunt Es, Amanda, Reggie this week
    • I feel like this week is gonna be a good week.  I hope so.
    • Today was Donna Deegan’s marathon.  I think it would be a great deal to be able to take part in it next year, I am around.  I suppose it is not too much to acknowledge the fact that the next moment can come and we are not there.  I am at peace with that fact.
This Week 13‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will practice Active Listening each day.

Day 386 – 2/10 (297)

  • 5 Min Flow – Philosophy: While I have promised myself that I will get into philosophy, right now my plate is full.  I am adding little by little things of value to my life and while philosophy is among them, it will just have to wait its turn.  Actually, in some way I am studying Buddhist philosophy, so what I am saying is not totally true.  I suppose when I think of philosophy I am thinking western philosophy.  This is an unfortunate distinction but I am ok making it.  I say that because I think the Buddhist way is closer akin to a seeking of reality more so than an intellectual exercise.  I know all philosophy is not just academic, but some are so esoteric that they are almost inaccessible to mere mortals.  At any rate, I am interested in philosophy because I think it allow you to strip away the layers of life in a logical and methodical way and layout a point of view that can be considered consistent with reality.
  • Music Practice: Practice the G, D and C chords a bit.  I am not lying, my enthusiasm for the guitar is waning.  I can’t seem to get up the motivation for practicing it.  I will have to try something different.  I am inclined to move to the keyboard.  If I am being honest, I have not really dedicated myself in recent week.  I need figure something out because I have to be able to play 3 songs by the end of the year.
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne, Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc, Homero, Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), Phillip this week
    • Pretty much just did very little today.  Most of my day got taken up with – crap, it just went by can’t put my finger on it.  I got quite a bit of rest.  I am try to raise my sleep level now though.  I am at 5.20 hours per night – I am trying to raise it to 6.0 average.
This Week 12‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 385 – 2/9 (296)

  • 5 Min Flow – Exercise: Not sure why exercise had to come up the day after fitness, but after selecting it before and putting in the bag, it came out again.  I think I might just have to move, well I just have to figure out a more random way to pick this.  Maybe assigning them each a number and them pick them from a random number generator.  I don’t know.  Anyway, what do I want to day on exercise – well, it has been 311 straight days since I started exercising everyday and it has been a blast.  I think I must write a book on this.  the discipline that it has given me, I feel as though I can do anything.  Mentally, I am in a very great place.  It is as though, everything in reality has slowed down and I can drink it in and it is wonderful.  Don’t get me wrong, the flip-side is that I want to do more and so I have to temper myself some.  I have lots of ideas, but I am trying to be selective.  Exercise brought me to meditation and both have taught me that the power to achieve is within.  I also understand the setting of goals is the beginning of a personal journey.  I come to understand it is not the attainment of the goal that is most important, it is the process in attaining that goal.  The reason for this is twofold – 1.  When you set a meaningful goal (such as to lose weight, pay off debt, etc…) and make it to that point, the euphoria you feel can be short lived if you did not pay attention to the process you used in achieving it. And without paying attention to that process and examining and living in each of the moments of experience, you will soon find yourself back in the same spot.  The next reason is…oh crap, this is supposed to be about exercise, oh well, this is indirectly related anyway, If you don’t pay attention to process, i.e, the don’t careful plan your route to success and just try to wing it or set yourself unrealistic steps, then you simply will not get there.  Failure leaves subconscious scars, so we must try to limit them.  The difference between been a loser and someone who fails is this.  A loser pretends to try and when he/she does not achieve, he pretends to beat up himself  and makes excuses.  Someone who fails has the scars to show for it     A loser never wins, but a winner sometimes fails.  A loser never starts; a winner never stops
  • Music Practice: Continued to practice G and D chords
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne, Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc, Homero, Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), this week
    • Today is my fun Friday.  Finished the major part of my workout now I am on my way out to have a bit of fun.
    • Just call Ingrid in to roll an idea off of her.  She is almost un-useful as a partner in generating ideas.  She never has any and as soon as I put something to the fore she finds the quick and most ridiculous counter.  How about counter with another idea.  Not just find why an idea might have deficits.  It can be so disheartening.  She has never ever as long as I can remember come to me with an idea on how we can do life.  I have always – yeah and I mean it alway been the one.  She displays a complacency that is maddening.  I suppose that’s the same type of negative counter that runs in her brother – namely Will.  Comfortable enough to criticize but not create.  There is something sponge-ish about that.  She has strong and nice qualities too, but I am still has not develop a survivalist muscles.  She is not a creator/producer.
This Week 12‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 384 – 2/8 (295)

  • 5 Min Flow – Fitness: Oh boy, fitness has become my friend over the last year.  I feel so much alive right now. I have a schedule and a process built in and nothing now gets in the way.  I was hard press on the road on two occasions, but I think I weathered it pretty well.  I am on such a streak, I don’t know if I can stop now.  Come down from the high of working out for almost a year straight – every single day is not an easy thing to do.  It has essentially altered the way I think of life.  It is life changing in so many respects.  I have to now layout a way to think about how many ways it has changed my life.  I feel much better – how can I go back to being just regular.  How can I go back to just sitting around and be a regular guy.  I feel like if I stop I will just fall over.  I am paralleling life.  Everything changes and is changing and every day that I get my work in, I am just joining the wider collective.
  • Music Practice: Continued to practice G and D chords
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne, Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc, Homero, Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), this week
    • Got my check up today, but if I am being honest.  It really was not that much of a check up.  My health was an afterthought.  Dr. seemed as though she could not wait to pour out all that was going on with Lauren.  She was back home recuperating from mental exhaustion.  I really felt sympathy for what she was going through, my concern.  I need, however, to stay tuned to my body and bring any concerns to her.
This Week 12‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 383 – 2/7 (294)

  • 5 Min Flow – Reading: I find affirmation to be quite beneficial. I listened through one this morning on YouTube (I am Morning Affirmation) . It was just so impactful, I had to write about it. At any rate, what about reading? – well I kinda lump both reading and listening into the same boat for me. I do more listening now than I do reading. It has allowed me to do so much more that it almost like a godsend. So over the past year, and I need to update my website, I have cover a number of interesting and important books. And probably two of the most important and interesting books I have ever read – Crime and Punishment and 1Q84. Reading has opened up a tremendous world to me. I felt for a long time that I was cut off from information in my youth and now that I have access, I just cannot stop drinking it in.
  • Music Practice: Continued to practice G and D chords
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne, Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc, Homero, Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), this week
    • Dropped off car today and looking forward to a pretty early and full day. Lawn dude is outside right now, I need to get him some cash. Grid plans on going to Mayport.
This Week 12‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 382 – 2/6 (293)

  • 5 Min Flow – Children: I am not sure what I thought about children before having them. I don’t even know at what point I stop being a child; it was as if one day I was a child, with no need to think about the future, make plans and such, and then here I was having a child and being responsible for all those things. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think I did pretty well in making the proper preparations, but for me the movement to adulthood felt like a forced trip. I love children though. I love to watch them grow. For me, holding my son at birth was one of the most amazing feelings ever. I honestly did not know what to expect but he turned out to be a very great joy and blessing to me and I know for his mom as well. Now it has be 18 years later and he is away at college. He going through some struggles now, but I think it is essentially him trying to find his way in the world. I do miss him dearly and it makes me sad to see him leave. I keep wondering whether I did all the things that I could possibly do help him live a fulfilled life.
  • Music Practice: Got it my first meaningful practice in a long time. Practice the G-Folk chord and a bit of the D chord

Day Narrative:

    • I will reach out to Carl, Trevor, Wayne, Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc, Homero, Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), this week
    • Spent a great deal of time going over future plans today. 
This Week 12‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 381 – 2/5 (292)

  • 5 Min Flow – Death: Yep, so today is an interesting day.  Today, a year ago is the day Malik left our lives.  The spot is still feels a bit vacant, but a few things have changed for me.  I am not learning more and more how to put death in the concept of living.  After reading the Five Invitation, I have come to some level of understanding of life in a broader context.  I am still not there, but I know being there is not the point.  The point is becoming, getting there – getting there is a constant process.  We suffer because we believe that we must be there, not know that there is just an illusion. We are constant changing and so there is constantly changing.  Death viewed in that context means that whenever each of us have to visit the edge of that pond is a person and singular journey.  And so overly worrying about it will not affect the moment’s arrival.  Malik passing was yesterday, it could even have been a moment ago, but we I think we live in this time soup that affords us a sense of distance.  This sense of distance gives us “time” for our emotions to calm down.  So, we are all traveling along the road of time, I don’t know if concurrently or serially, but as far as my reality tells me – I have an emotional connection to humanity (some far and some yet closer) and I want to make as much of this as I can.  I am still defining what much is and that’s alright.
  • Music Practice: Again fingering for a few minutes; still did not get the requisite amount of time, but touch the fretboard regardless.
  • Day Narrative:
    • I will reach out to  Carl, Trevor, Wayne, Anthony, Genaro, Lejmarc, Homero, Tasso, Eddie, Pete (via Eddie), this week
    • If you don’t sacrifice for what you want, what you want will be the sacrifice!
This Week 12‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 380 – 2/4 (291)

      • 5 Min Flow – Compassion: While reading a recent book on the practice of Buddhism, I came across the notion: No one every feels bad from showing compassion.  I have been thinking about this lately.  And recently while talking to Wayne, he told me that he has some strong reservations for allowing his Dorren to come up here.  In his estimation, she just went off the reservation once she came up and started listening to her friends and not following his word.  He even told me he told her – It is my way or the highway.  Well, I sure if he actually told her that, it would not result in much positivity coming out of that.  At any rate, I talked with him again about that and let him know that him even uttering those words bothered me quite a bit.  The fact of the matter is – regardless of what resulted after she came up, you and her decided to go your own way.  It is not particularly important to me what the details are, but the fact is – just like you helped the mother of your wife (which, I think you are kinda expected to) you were also the recipient of that same help.  Compassion is so lacking.  I wish he would just step outside of himself for a bit.
      • Music Practice: Fingering for a few minutes; definitely did not get the requisite amount of time, but touch the fretboard regardless.
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to  Carl, Trevor, Wayne, Anthony and Genaro, and Tasso this week
        • Did get through a great deal of stuff yesterday but I still need to work on Afterwards, mother’s plan – she got her insurance deal done and reach out to Tasso
This Week 12‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 379 – 2/3 (290)

      • 5 Min Flow – Life Force: What is it that is within us?  What is the life force that is responsible for the breath that becomes air and then breath again?  What is it?  So I am practicing meditation now, hoping that I might find some answers to it.  I am looking into the practice of Buddhism and the mental and emotion discipline that it purportedly can teach me to grapple with some of those deeper questions.  I am not satisfied with the answer of christian thought in answering  the question life force.  And that has nothing really to do with dogma, it just requires such a leap of faith that it makes it pretty much impossible to got there.  Even in my youth I wanted to believe that life is/was given by a supernatural being, and in the confines of a closed mental space and with nothing else impinging on it, it is possible to get lost in your world.  But I found that as I expanded and started grappling with not just what else is there in the world at the deeper level, I started to come up against the very existence of my being and where it comes from.  And even after all these years I cannot come up with a satisfactory answer.  The believe in something outside of me requires a mapping of my mental self onto the real world and the real world mapping that I conduct cannot up to this point comport with what I see out  there on a deeper level.  Some ideas in Buddhism have hinted to some answers.
      • Music Practice: Fingering for 10 mins getting back used to the fretboard.
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to  Carl, Trevor, Wayne, Anthony and Genaro, and Tasso this week
        • Got up early – the intent is to get through the lion share of todos by 1600.  I need to work on Afterwards, mother’s plan, bill/budget reconciliation, see if I can send sister $150 towards brother’s funeral.  And reach out to Tasso.
This Week 11‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Patience each day.

Day 378 – 2/2 (289)

      • 5 Min Flow – Education: Education has always been something on the forefront of my brain as far back as I can remember.  Well, what exactly about it – I have always felt that I was robbed from a very early age, let’s say around 9 or 10-ish.  After I took my Common Entrance for the first time and failed it, I felt ashamed, I felt like I had lost the world.  I was not prepared, I did not have the requisite background, but I did not know that then but failing registered.  It said that I had fallen short.  It even meant something deeper to me in some ways – it meant that I was nobody and would not amount to to nothing.  I looked around me and all I saw was poverty and misery and even at the very age, I knew I did not want that.  I did not want that because it meant hunger and always wanting.  It meant always feeling ashamed of not having more.  I did not know what my worth was or what I had inside until Aunt Cissy took me and made me believe in an alternate reality – one that was built on words and numbers.  From the very first day of that revelation, I have not looked back and here i am today.  Here I stand today.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to  Carl, Trevor, Wayne, Anthony and Genaro, and Tasso this week
        • Good times at the movies and lunch with the wife today.  Great fun friday.  Need to follow up with my sisters.
This Week 11‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Patience each day.

Day 377 – 2/1 (288)

      • 5 Min Flow – Reading: So today I chose to write on reading.  Well, not really, I have decided to change up how I do my 5 min piece right here because I kept on making it up as I go.  Somedays I had lots to say while others was just rambling.  The thing tho is that this was exactly what that was supposed to be for – just ramble on about anything.  It has been now well over a year since I have been doing this, so I was to keep the rambling piece going, but I want to also do a bit a structure ever so often.  So I revisited my list (see it just below this post) and decided that I was going to just randomly move my mouse over the topics and pick one. Today it was reading.  Well the what can I say about it really – not much.  It is sort of a close topic but anyway – I have endeavor to read ever day, not newsy stuff but serious topic of non-fiction.  I have finished several relatively long books in recent months and was blown away by the wealth, depth and breath of the human imagination.  I have also subscribed to a number of programs, namely, blinklist, skillshare, the Navy library plus a few other.  I am really please with my reading program and enjoy it much.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to  Carl, Wayne, Anthony and Genaro this week
        • Email sent to Ingrid: A funny happened to me today.  While I was having lunch in Chick fil -A I saw a woman today who had the presence of your mother. There was something about her eyes. It was almost as if she was smiling a wink at me (she never wink but it was almost like it was implied). It wasn’t even weird; it felt pleasant – almost comforting.
This Week 11‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Patience each day.

Day 376 – 1/31 (287)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today: Today is a good day.  Why is it a good day.  It is a good because I am here.  I am here because…well, you know what I don’t know why I am here.  On one hand, I could say that I am here because my mother had casual sex with a man who claimed to love her.  Well, I am not even sure if he claimed that.  My mother got pregnant for my father, very shortly after meeting him.  Knowing both of them separately, I don’t see how they could have even come together.  My father is a 1-dimensional person in my life.  At times, I have doubts whether he even thought about me, my brother or even my mother.  He struck me as a person who believes he is going to live forever.  He is not in my life and it feels rather weird – I don’t really miss him.  I also have not ill feeling whatsoever towards him.  Whatever negativity I had towards him has long passed.  I hope he is not suffering or in pain.  I hope he has peace.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to  Carl, Wayne, Anthony and Genaro this week
        • Just want to reiterate from my first post the ideas here to be discussed:
          • Love
          • Family
          • Cheating – loaded word that requires honesty
          • Honesty
          • My Wife
          • Lying
          • Investment
          • Woman
          • God question
          • Work
          • Integrity
            ———–
          • Dying
          • Education
          • Children
          • Philosophy
          • Reading
          • Fitness
          • Exercise
          • Value
          • My Son
          • My Daughter
          • Life Force
          • Feelings
          • Today
This Week 11‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Patience each day.

Day 375 – 1/30 (286)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today: Sometimes I feel as though I am on a journey by myself.  I love my wife.  She is my bestie, but she lacks certain things that I would like to see in a woman.  I don’t know if it is because I have attained mid-life or what, but she appears to want nothing more.  She displays the say or in fairness probably to a little bit less extent, the same incuriosity or contendeness of her siblings. It is as though they all have little drive to push down obstacles and create. The funny thing is that they are not idiots nor are they capable.  They are able to think, but they express an incredible amount of mental laziness that is astounding.  If I am being honest, I am much disgusted by it.  I love my wife, but I wish she had more drive.  If she is being honest, and if she reads these words when I am no longer here, then I hope she doesn’t hold it against me, but look inward.  As your friend – I knew you best.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to  Carl, Wayne, Anthony and Genaro this week
        • Up late today again; hopefully this is it.  I can get back on a better schedule after today.
        • The illiterate of the 21st century won’t be those who cannot read nor write, but will be those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn. – Alvin Toffer
This Week 11‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Patience each day.

Day 374 – 1/29 (285)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:    Search for something profound today is a bit off.  I have been doing a lot but I am not sure if I am achieving a lot.  I have spent the last few days working on getting my computing platform streamlined.  I am also starting a fitness challenge and I am working on my own steady fitness.  This has left a big missing spot in my life.  I have not been reaching out to many of my contact – human that is and that has left sort of a void there.  I have so much to do and fell like I don’t have enough time in the day to get it done.  I know that I am achieving but it feel feeble.  I need to reach out to 4 people this week and I must remain patient.  I can’t complain.  Like has been somewhat kind to me and I am lucky to be in a position from which I can take a different view.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to  Carl, Wayne, Anthony and Genaro this week
        • Still up pretty late trying to get the challenge going.
        • I need to go back to working my list and getting thing done and checked off.
This Week 11‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Patience each day.

Day 373 – 1/28 (284)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:    So this week I will be focusing on PATIENCE.  I have to remember that sometimes the ego will lead me outside of my self and I will want to engage directly.  I have come to, in recent weeks, even months, to realize that immediate engagement is not necessarily the best thing to do.  By simply backing off, a lot of times give me the time to absorb, let it flow through me and then settle back into myself.   It is a if I am a rubber surface.  You can hit it hard with something.  It take the shock and just let the feeling vibrate away from the point of impact. Soon again, it become still like a serene pond. So this week the work is patience
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to  Carl, Wayne, Anthony and Genaro this week
        • Got up relatively early this morning and got quite a bit off my plate.  I am getting caught up but not there yet.
This Week 11‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Patience each day.

Day 372 – 1/27 (283)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  I am just putting a few words before I sink into my meditation.  Today has been good so far.  No real issues and while I tried to make contact with Ellen, I realize that she has totally left the family.  I am so sorry and sad that she saw it fit to cut herself off.  Wherever she is, I hope she is not experiencing much if any suffering.  I hope and wish she find peace wherever she is.   Now I am off to meditation.  How peace and beautiful our world.  First forgive ourselves for the emotional suffering that shakes us and then forgive those we hold in suffering struggle so that we may ourselves be free of the suffering.  Today forgiveness came to me and in a kind voice I say – I will practice forgiveness because it is good and true.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to Ellen and Lejmarc this week.
        • Got up early and trying to get on top of stuff.  I am busy.  I feel like I am accomplishing stuff, just need to stay on top.
        • Reached out to Lej Marc through FB; hopefully he will reach back.
This Week 10‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 371 – 1/26 (282)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  I feel like I am beginning to fall behind again, but I am not worried about that too much.  A few weeks ago, after spending a tremendous amount fo time search for way to become more efficient, I  pretty much developed a system.  At the same time I came across the practice of Buddhism and got pulled into it after reading the 5 Invitations.  It has, in so many ways, reorder my sense of purpose and self.  Now, i am not say that efficiency is not good and that I need to refocus.  I just need to do these things with the right purpose.  I need to work and the things that truly matters.  In a bit I will be pulling back a bit on my fitness practice – not much, just a little to open up some additional space for other things.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to Ellen and Lejmarc this week.
        • Going through some heavy reorganization with computing systems over the last couple days.
        • Just running behind all day, it is now almost 2130 and I am still working on my workout.
This Week 10‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 370 – 1/25 (281)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  I will not make the same mistake today again.  It has been just at a week since mama got the news that the scan was clear.  And right at almost 4 weeks since we all go the news.  In studying ZB, and introducing mama to it, I have come to a deeper understanding of how the passage of time works on the psyche on an illusional level.  Fundamentally, nothing has changed physically in the world, but it feels at though there has been a tremendous weight lifted from our shoulders.  The mental and emotional toll that the news took on us saw one of the heaviest things that I have had to bear.  I felt as though she would be alright, almost as though it wasn’t her time yet, however, that did not help the mind state.  So I am really intrigued by how the Buddhist teaching was able to help me (and mama) see a bit of clarity in the moment.  And although it was burdensome, I did still feel a measure of calmness in the midst.  I must continue to investigate this.  There is something about this that feels right.  It did not feel judgemental or heavy.  It just felt right and calm.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to Ellen and Lejmarc this week.
        • Knowledge isn’t power. The right knowledge is power.
This Week 10‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 369 – 1/24 (280)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  I am slacking off quite a bit here.  I will just have to make this a priority.  I will push to do this right after meditation going forward.  I am making changes but the intent is to say something substantial here vs just the very basics of going through the motion.  Now, don’t get me wrong, going through the motions sometimes is gonna be all that I can do and that is alright too, but what I am saying is that it is not sufficient.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to Ellen and Lejmarc this week.
        • Today is wonderful
This Week 10‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

 Day 368 – 1/23 (279)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  I did get something in below but not the 5 mins as I am supposed to.  That’s alright tho, I got here.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to Ellen and Lejmarc this week.
        • The top 3 richest man in America has more wealth than the bottom 50% of the country.
This Week 10‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 367 – 1/22 (278)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  My son has left for the north and my emotions are mixed.  I know I must let go to allow him to be a man and make his own way.  I must allow myself to permission to break the bonds of selfishness and fear, because unless I do so, he will not grow into the young man he needs to.  I feel  my fear and while I am really not frighten by it directly, I have strong doubts that he will find his way in time.  But the question become before what.  If I allow myself to practice non-attachment (which is not the same at unattachment of disattachment), I can still share the bonds and connection with my son without the suffering that goes with attachment.  I need to show compassion and understand, and trust that he will find his way as a separate by connected being in this ocean of souls.  He came through me but he is not in me – he is is own and I must/must recognize that.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to Ellen and Lejmarc this week.
        • Dropped off Papi this morning.  He has grown so much.  He reminds me of when my mother started to tell me that my shoulders were getting broad.  My son is getting broad and I love it.  He is becoming a man capable of taking care of himself physically.  We will continue to work on the mental.  In his own time tho… in his own time.
This Week 10‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 366 – 1/21 (277)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  When the mind is calm, there’s clarity; with clarity there’s contentment; with contentment, there’s compassion.  Compassion allow you to reach out and identify with someone where they are.  My aim this week is to understand in a deeper way – what is compassion.  My son seems tortured in so many ways about what is going on in his life.  He does not or is unable to share on deeper levels what is going on with him.  I don’t or I come to understand that I cannot take it for granted what others are feeling or should feel.  Each person exists in there own universe and it is a complex place to be.  You don’t believe that anyone can understand you fully but what happens if you just trust that they can.  Trust is a hard thing I get it, but that is the only way we can with reason allow our perception/conception of what is real to extend from our being; that is the only way we can even hope to be understood or ask for understand of our very selves.  There is so much trust and compassion that is lacking – you increase that by starting with you.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I will reach out to Ellen and Lejmarc this week.
        • Jags did not make it but that is totally fine.  Went to get pizza came home – had long talk with Mark – sort of mixed
This Week 10‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will show Compassion each day.

Day 365 – 1/20 (276)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  Sort of a weird day today.  Went to visit with Uncle Willie and Aunt Ruth – Ingrid’s Dad and aunt.  They have both gone into a deeper demential state.  It wasn’t even possible to carry on  a  proper conversation with them.  Old age today looked like a real point of suffering.  It did giv eme some pause to consider what exactly awaits us al at the most advanced stages.  Both individuals are in or close to their 90s, but if that is what 90s look like, what is the meaning of wanting longevity.  They both looked torched and not in a happy place.  I wish I could spend some time with to understand much better what it is like to be in them or with them.  I will have to give this some thought.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • We made a world wind swoosh down to Ocala to stop by and see the folks down there before Marcus left.  This might be the last time he sees both him grand dad and his grand aunt.  Uncle Willie looks relatively strong physically, but Aunt Ruth seems much frailer than when I last saw her.
This Week 9‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for love each day.

Day 364 – 1/19 (275)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  Tamia is pregnant again.  Less than a year after she had her last kid.  I can try to let this pass through me but it is heartbreaking to see such potential wasted.  But in this world karma has its place.  I can no longer control what someone does from afar anymore than I can when they are right next to me.  She has chosen a path or a path has been chosen for her.  She has been aided in some respects along this path.  At some point the destructive forces in her life will either leave along or she will be overcome by them.  It is so sad to see these things and have no effect on them.  In some way I feel so impotent.  But this does not only afflicts Tamia – I also see some of the same tendencies in my own son.  Both has disconnectedness in them, almost like a lost and deep zombie-like vacuousness that pervades their spirit. It is almost like they are asleep at the wheel of their lives.   I just wish I could say something to them or touch something in them to awaken their spirit form the deep slumber.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • We are planning to go to Ocala today.
This Week 9‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for love each day.

Day 363 – 1/18 (274)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  As I sit here my stomach is in knots.  If I am being totally honest, I feel a little sense of hope, call it foolish, in the back of my head, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself.  It just doesn’t feel like it is time.  I am not going give into that however, because only suffering can come from that.  It is so hard to be so far away when these types of life events reach you.  I love my mother dearly, I know I cannot have her forever, but I hope for and wish I can get a bit more time (how weird it is to say that because more time is relative).  I just need to let her know how much I love her and have always.  I am feel physically ill, it is as though the impending news bears such weight.  In due time, it will be lifted, this moment will be passed and the heaviness of my heart will give way to other emotions.  I have been heavy before, but somehow awaiting this news feels the heaviest of them all.  Now I know what it feels like to face the end of one who gives life.  And so if this cup should pass from me today, I will continue to not take it for granted.  I will try to fill my life with purpose and keep in the footsteps of those gone before me who have done much so that I can be here at this moment to experience the great love that now flows through my being to my mother.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • It is now 2119 about 41/2 hours ago I got the good news.  My mother’s CT scan is clear.  There is no sign of cancer in her body.  There are still a few things we need to do to mop this up but the essential news is good.  I must stay the teaching of ZB played big part of my getting through these last days.  I while I take cautious breaths, I know that it is letting go that we find the strength to go on.  Zen beautiful.
This Week 9‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for love each day.

Day 362 – 1/17 (273)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  Today has been a banner day for practicing my zen self.  I spend almost 1.5 hours trying to get to the bottom of a technical issue only to just walk away.   I wrote and rewrote a piece to the NameCheap  folks, but have decided not to send it.  I think I need to practice that more.  I have the solution, I tried to rationalize sending the piece by saying it was to help them improve, but by and large I was just blowing off steam.  I have th e solution, just move on already.   I am realizing something about being aware of yourself.  If you just stay in place for a while things wont fall apart.  I literally spent 82min talking to someone – in order to work through an issue.  At any point, I could have lost it and just go off, but I stayed centered and it was ok.    I stayed within myself and a solution presented itself, now I can write about it – now I win.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Hail up mama today,  Tomorrow is kind of a big deal, but I feel that she feels relaxed and that has relaxed me.  The 5 Invitations is a great book.  I hope and wish we have many words to speak to each other  beyond this current period we are experiencing, but whatever the case is to come, I already feel blessed in so many ways.
This Week 9‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for love each day.

Day 361 – 1/16 (272)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  There are times when you do’t want to do something but you have to.  There things that just need to be done.  I am pretty tired right now, but this is an opportunity to push my body to the next level.  It is an opportunity shake off the crust and show that it is possible to push beyond limits.  I have introduced Mama to Robert Frost – The Road Not Taken.  I will get with her tomorrow to go over what it is saying to her.  She has become more thought full on the larger questions of life.  She persists in our spiritual ways and that is cool.  She loves the book by Master Frank and is enjoying it..  She told me thanks for introducing it to her and wished she had listened to it earlier.  It is indeed a great book and Master Frank is a truly gifted man.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Stayed home yesterday because Chey got done late.  We will have to force her to move faster, and get done earlier.  Not sure if that is possible.  We will likely go back on that.  Better put, I will likely go back on that.
        • Skin to skin contact increase trust within infants – hmmm?
This Week 9‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for love each day.

Day 360 – 1/15 (271)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  Crazy day.  Got up and it is feeling some kinda way.  Got into a flow with the female and didn’t feel it coming on.  Maybe deep down inside I felt it but turned away to engage.  I cannot allow myself to feel certain things but that is not the Zen way.  In the Zen, you cannot hold on to or stop things from passing.  We cannot go back, we just have to go with what is now.  We have to be responsible for all that we do, but that does not mean deny our essential nature.  Yes, our essential nature or my essential nature or the nature that I should and will strive for above any, is not to cause pain and suffering to another, help and protect and when my time comes die.  I love being in love and I love life, but I must love them so much that I refuse the pain of attachment.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • We wanted to go out but Chey cramped our style
This Week 9‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for love each day.

Day 359 – 1/14 (270)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  The problem that I have the concept of God, or God, is not that I don’t want to believe it, but so much of the whole concept is problematic from my standpoint. I don’t know how to approach it.   I want to believe it but it just doesn’t seem to move anything within the natural world that I can identify with.I am not sure even if I need to get a direct description for example or proof I think I would need proof. After all these years since the beginning of time I have to go on is what someone who said why can I not have that inner feeling something beyond a shadow of a doubt that tells me that this is the way.One of the things that I have the most problem with is the whole idea of praising being deity why why would such a B in require something of us down for us not to be done and when I came into this world I did not do it out of my own volition and know that I’m here I’m told in order for me not to be destroyed or suffer or feel pain I must do something at this just doesn’t make sense and so now I’m left up to a gamble but I don’t necessarily see it as a wager.  I cannot consciously remember a wager to come in this world so why would I need to Adrian leaving it and what happens to you afterwards this is a mystery and Anyone that we all are so blessed are not list to come into this existence would have to reckon with at some point in the future we have no choice we come here and we must leave we cannot stay in permanence is the only permanent thing so we can FaceTime mystery like my mother says in the hereafter we must go through it makes no difference whether wage or not whatever will be must be amen
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Went out to dinner at chinese, it was good
        • Spoke to mama today, that was really good.
This Week 9‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for love each day.

Day 358- 1/13 (269)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  I don’t think we necessarily have a fixed amount of life energy, but there is something suspicious about how the mystery of life works that lends itself to that way of thinking.  We are born with a lot of potential build in.  We grow up, we eat we get stronger and grow more powerful.  We then get to a point of transition where we start to slow down.  Our life processes begin to change and our bodies begin to get slower, weaker and then we die.  In that period and there is no definite – it almost seems to have a fix way of being.  We are evolving, but it seems as though there is a terminal point.  What causes that point if it exists and might we ultimately get there?  Why do some people live until 100+, while other die of natural cause in their 70s?  What governs that?  We have some of the brightest minds and we are working hard on it, but it still baffles us to this point.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • We looking into going down to Ocala to see the rest of the family and check in with Uncle Willie.  There is a lot going on… a vibrant start to the new year.  Hopefully things turn up from here on, but we must be prepared for anything.
This Week 8‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for inner-peace each day.

Day 357 – 1/12 (268)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  Just getting ahead…have to write more. Death or the concept of dying sharpen the focus of living.  We have no idea where we were before our birth and no idea where we go after death. For sometime now I have refused to face the idea of death directly. I did so out of fear and also out of ignorance.  As I am dealing with my mother facing a cancer diagnosis, the fear has become real and now I cannot turn away.  I cannot imagine what is going through her head; actually, I can.  In fact today I went to see Dr. Talavala again, 6 months after going to see him regarding an abnormal blood panel.  My white blood count (WBC) continues to be quite low, but he says that it is in line with his expectation of Leucopenia.  I will continue the 6 months through next July and then we will go to a yearly.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I hope things are getting better quicker.  Spent quite a bit of time today working with Comis, the insurance and the CT folks to get mama’s scan done.  We hope to get her in to see Dr. Black next week.  In the meantime we will be working with Dr. Black’s nurse – Debbie to make sure she starts the process of getting Dr. Black in network to treat mom’s.  We will also need to make sure that the insurance have the received the necessary paperwork to grant permanent authority to all 3 of us.
This Week 8‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for inner-peace each day.

Day 356 – 1/11 (267)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  I am honestly a bit lost.  I cannot reach my son.  He is struggling but I cannot figure out what to give or how to help him.  I can see that he is suffering, but I cannot take the cup from him, he will have to figure out what is it that he needs.  My mother’s condition is also weighing on my brain.  I spent, along with Ingrid and Cois a tremendous amount of time today in working through the issues with the doctor, the insurance company and our own ignorance, in trying to get to a good place.  It is really hard and I am struggling right now.  I have to get a grip.  I have to slow down and focus.  I have never been to some of these places, but I must find a way to stay centered in this place.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Got really preoccupied yesterday trying to get a whole bunch of stuff ready.  Also had to go down early due to early rise yesterday morning so I did not get my 5 min in here.   Will continue to press
        • I am going to bed still with a bit of trepidation…
        • Need to get some rest, need to think straight…
This Week 8‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for inner-peace each day.

Day 355 – 1/10 (266) *

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  Preparation stuff
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Preparation stuff
This Week 8‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for inner-peace each day.

Day 354 – 1/9 (265)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  My son is failing and he is lying.  I must stay centered.  I must not get angry.  Which does he not trust me or his mother.  I feel so sorry for him.  He walks around with a heavy load and as much as we give him permission to put it down, he feels to need to continue.  What in our past have led us to this point.  Was I too demanding of him?  Have I not showed him compassion enough to break through any facade.  The fact that I am even asking these question points to the fact that there has been some lacking.  I want to step back and let him figure this out, but the passion of his mom is pulling me in.  She is concerned that he will crash and burn.  I feel the need and desire quite strongly to jump in – but I must step back.  I cannot.  It is now time for him to find his own way.  I won’t engage because he will resist.  And if he resist then he will take responsibility and fix.  It is time for him to search out solutions.  It is time for him to realize that the choices you make have serious consequences.  And while he has been well care for in the 18 years he has been in our care, we have to let him free to develop into a functional and more capable being.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Secrecy builds distance
This Week 8‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for inner-peace each day.

Day 353 – 1/8 (264)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  Thinking in terms of altered states of mind, i can understand that it is hard for some people to understand this.  But lets say you wereo n the savanna in 2010 BCE, not sure if this is enough time, but work with me and you hit a spiff, I can see how you could come up with a new religion.  The reality of all things is that we will all die.  Why then is it that there is a difference in black and white?  if there is a god in the traditional sense shy being a black man does it turn out that I should hurt because of someone else’s need to feel superior – TELL ME. GOD…WHY????????  I love my life but it is not reality..  I will die and leave these people.  I cannot become attached to them.  I love my wife and my kids but I will lose then.  They cant come with me when I die so what the fuck?
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I do this because I have to continue.  As I write these words, my wife is frying bacon, why smell good to my scences, but it is only temporary.  why are we here,why am I smelling this right now what is this game we are playing.  I don’t like it and want to play it anymore.  I love my wife and want to be with her for eternity, but at some point I am gonna be taken or she is gonna be taken from me.  what is this all about….?
        • Aunt Cissy, whatever name you answer to, what is this…please talk to me,…what is going on…please talk to me.  Please reach across the distance of time and space and tell me. I need more time.  Can I get more time to get to an even keel.  Please – do I have to negotiate.  Can I come to the other side satisfied.  I want to make sure that all is well here.  Please afford me that much.
This Week 8‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for inner-peace each day.

Day 352 – 1/7 (263)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  I am getting some clarity on the situation.  The time between events does have an effect on the emotion.  I am able to think through a way ahead for mama and I feel pretty good about it.  I have to also remember that she will need more than just the esoteric, she will need tender loving kindness.  I feel pretty positive energies, but I am also grounded in the belief that there is no way beyond the reality of the body.  We have absolutely no control over anything outside of our body.  We don’t even have much control over our thought.  I am have a bigger and better appreciate for meditation each day.  It allows me to quite the the many negative voices in my head.  I must also begin practicing right speech and right thought.  I should spend less time talking about negative things of this world like Trump and spend it doing, talk, and thinking positive things.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I made quite a bit of stride in transitioning my body regiment from last to this year, still need to do a lot more.  Also need to take on the financial – started but not finished.
        • Did achieve quite a few things today – Marcus talk, drafting of mama’s way ahead, discussion with Comis, transition of fitness plan to 2018, begin transition of financials
        • Tomorrow plan to start executing mama’s plan
        • Working on the study of Zen.  I think it has been quite helpful to me in many ways thus far.
This Week 8‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for inner-peace each day.

Day 351 – 1/6 (262)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  My meditations over the last  2 days have been pretty heavy.  My heart feels full.  I feel sad.  I mind keeps playing over the  missing of my mother.  She is still here.  She is still able to talk with me and share with me, so why am I sad.  In some ways it is as though something it is missing.  All is not well with my siblings.  I know she is suffering because of Pete.  She is still holding on to some anger and that is draining.  I too am been weighed down by some anger – anger or disappointment or angry disappointment with Wayne and his ability to share.  I am also twisted up in my mind regarding not taking on Akeem when I did Imani.  I did have real concerns about whatif with Imani and that Wayne was not working with Doreen.  It could have been so much better if they were both working together.  I must see straight, time is passing, I can’t get caught up in everything else and don’t live in the now.  I must re-evaluate and realign.  There is work to do, I am at the center and I cannot afford to get lost.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Not too bad today.  One day at a time.  Nothing is done until it has happened.
This Week 7‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for mindfulness each day.

Day 350 – 1/5 (261)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  The fact is that I am so scared I am shitting myself.  I am on the verge in a moment of a totally meltdown.  I want to be positive.  I want to believe that everything will be alright, but it is hard…it is so hard.  How do you practice non-attachment in the midst of so much pain and longing.  I am questioning what I am even doing at this very moment.  I want to be with her to tell her everything will be alright but that would be a lie because I do not know.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Not too bad today.  Coming to the realization that having cancer does not necessarily mean a death sentence.  I love my mother and I hope that she feels it and knows that as this is the biggest wait of her life, I am with her every moment in it.
This Week 7‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for mindfulness each day.

Day 349 – 1/4 (260)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  Preparing to go…
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Got some of the worst news possible in my life – mama has cancer.  I am now writing this from the gathering area at NAS Pensacola.  Stopped last night after hearing the words from Comis.  Preparing to get on the road again and making it for home.  Will follow up.
This Week 7‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for mindfulness each day.

Day 348 – 1/3 (259)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  The greatest gift of all is the ability to love and be loved
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Did get much chance to do much yesterday, trying to optimize time with family.
This Week 7‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for mindfulness each day.

Day 347 – 1/2 (258)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  Just preparing…mama next step
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • Just preparing
This Week 7‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for mindfulness each day.

Day 345/346 – 12/31-1/1 (256/257)

      • 5 Min Flow -Today:  Not able to even open computer yesterday the last day of the year.  It is all good tho, one has to take life in strides.  I am so happy for a wonderful 2017.  The year started out ok but we hit February with a thud with Malik’s passing.  That was followed up by Uncle Edgar’s passing.  After that thing sor of settled down.  The second half of the year was a bit more smooth for me.  I started to focus on my fitness more intently.  I have moved into the meditation realm and pushing to live in the now.  I am not in the spiritual realm as far as christianity, but I see the yearning for deeper meaning in life.  My mother is here and is doing fine.  My immediate family is doing well and I am very thankful for that.  I have to now look farther a field and think about Eddie.  Pete has move on but I have to move any blockage from my heart and mind to him as well.  I will work towards that.  The same with Wayne.  I don’t have to be lovi-dovi, but we can be most civil.  This coming year, I pledge to reach out to my father and all my brothers and establish a better link.
      • Music Practice: None – (watch session?)
      • Day Narrative:
        • I need to layout my goals and plans for this year.  I am thinking about relationships, mind and body, personal/professional projects:
This Week 7‘s Affirmation: Mindfulness – I will reach for mindfulness each day.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –  END 2017 / START 2018- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – 

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